


Runaway Train

by monicasanoli



Series: Kelly [1]
Category: 30 Seconds to Mars, Avantasia (Band), Edguy (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Original Fiction, Originally Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-22 15:56:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 25,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13767507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monicasanoli/pseuds/monicasanoli
Summary: Kelly landed in LA at around 2 pm. She took a taxi home, texting Tobias on the way to let him know she had landed and wishing him a good show. After a quick shower and a sandwich, she drove to Shannon’s house expecting to organize her work and meet him there. Her nerves were surprisingly under control until she saw his Rover on the driveway.





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally posted on Tumblr from November, 2015 to November, 2016. I will be editing and posting it here, as well as the other works in the Kelly series, existing and new. Apparently, I am still not done with her. Will I ever?

“Hallo…?”

He entered the room without making any noise, except for this almost whispered greeting; he didn’t want to scare her, but he did want to surprise her. The door was unlocked because she was expecting someone else, she would certainly freak out if he’d show up in front of her unannounced. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to knock or call out any louder than he had.

The lights were on, but there was no sign of her near the door. He only knew she was there because her purse was on the couch and her shoes were by the wardrobe on the corner of the room. When she came out of the bathroom wrapped up in a big white bathrobe, distracted and singing a tune that sounded quite familiar, he knew he wouldn’t have time to hide.

She froze when she saw him.


	2. Part II

“What are you doing here?” She managed to ask without making it sound as an accusation. “I was waiting for Felix…” she pointed to the sweater he was holding.

“Yeah, I know. Well, I knew he was coming here to give your sweater back, and I asked him to give it to me so that I could give it back to you… And maybe get a chance to talk?”

“And drink?” She looked at the bottle, smiling.

“I swear it was unintentional”, he was feeling more relaxed, “I didn’t plan anything!” She actually laughed, taking the wine from his hands and leading him to the couch. There was another bottle waiting on the coffee table.

“I was waiting for Felix with some red. Whatever this is,” she gestured back and forth between them, “I’m sure we’ll have plenty of alcohol to go with it.” He laughed while she pulled the robe tighter around her body. “Sit, Tobi, make yourself comfortable. I’m just going to change, okay?”

“Of course. I’m sorry to surprise you,” he sat on the couch and she went back to the bathroom.

“No, you’re not."


	3. Part III

“Alright, what do you want to talk about?” She sat next to him and accepted the glass he was handing her.

He took a long breath and stared at the wall behind her trying to gather his thoughts, and his courage. “What are you doing here?” He finally asked in a much lower and sober tone.

“What do you mean? I came to see the show,” she smiled.

“Oh, please, Kelly. You know what I’m talking about.”

“I’m serious! I never stopped liking your music, you know that. And I hadn’t seen the boys in a while, I wanted to come and enjoy the show, say hi to them.”

As he kept looking at her waiting for more, she sighed. “I came here to check on you, is that what you want to hear?”

“Six years,” he started. “Six years without a phone call, a post card, a birthday wish, nothing. You made it pretty clear that you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. You weren’t there even when we played across from your house in Los Angeles. You missed Julian’s birth!”

“I called Eggi when they were still in the hospital.”

“That’s not the point.” Tobias closed his eyes and rubbed them for a moment. “Look, all I’m saying is…”

“What? It’s not like you went looking for me either, Tobi. We were done, that wasn’t a choice I made by myself.”

“Yeah, Kellz, but after all this time… what made you travel all the way out here now? And stay at our hotel for christ’s sake!”

She put her half drunken wine next to his on the table and crossed her legs under her body on the couch.

“Is it because of him? Did he hurt you?” The genuine concern in his voice broke her heart.


	4. Part IV

“What do you know about him?”

“I know enough,” he shrugged. “I know about the drugs, the trips to rehab, the shows he missed. I know that you broke up with him but keeps working for him. I can’t understand why you’re doing this to yourself, to be honest.”

“Do you keep tabs on him?” She laughed avoiding the subject once again.

“Not on him, on you,” he answered as if that was obvious. She stopped laughing and seemed to be embarrassed all of a sudden. “Ah, I’m sure you did the same, huh?” Tobi smiled and turned to finish his wine.

“Yeah, maybe I did.”

He reached out and held her hand. “Tell me what happened.”

“Nothing happened, Tobi. There wasn’t one specific thing, I’m just so… Exhausted.” She sighed and rested her head on the couch. “It’s exhausting to be around him, because I care about him and he drags me down with him every time. I don’t know exactly why I came all this way, I’m sorry. I’m just… Tired. That’s all. I guess I wanted to see you, I don’t know.”

“I guess you did,” he pulled her closer to him and into a hug. “Is this ok? Can I hug you?”

She laughed, “of course you can.”

“Do you still hate me?”

“I don’t think so… Do you?”

“Nope.”

They stayed like that for a few minutes, in silence, just enjoying each other’s company. “This feels good,” she said when he started to play with her hair.

“Can I ask you something? Well, two things. Maybe three.”

“Shoot,” she looked up.

“Why are you still there?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I still think I can help him.”

“Help him or help you two?” She closed her eyes. “No, no, Kellz, look at me,” he waited until she did, “you deserve a lot better than him, please tell me you know that.”

She nodded. “Are you done?”

“Not yet.” He lifted her face and kissed her without wasting a second. She felt the surprise wash over her like freezing water, every nerve of her body suddenly alert and vibrating. “Do you still want this?” He whispered to her ear. “Us?”

“Fuck.”


	5. Part V

“So?” His impatience started to show.

She was holding on to his shoulders as if she was about to fall off a cliff. “I don’t know what…”

“It’s a simple yes or no question, Kelly, do you still want this?” He raised his voice.

“I don’t know! Why are you asking me this?”

“Because!” He got up from the couch and started to pace back and forth the hotel room in front of her. “Do you think it has been easy for me? I didn’t have one single healthy relationship after you left, no matter how hard I forced myself to try. And it’s not like you’ve been successful either!”

“Stop saying it like it was my fault!” She stood up and walked away from him. “I didn’t abandon you! If you’re having a hard time remembering, we were tearing each other apart and we decided together that it would be best to end things.”

“Yes, but…” He followed her to the other end of the room and held her still. “You’re here now. We are better, more mature. Don’t tell me you were not thinking about this when you got on that plane yesterday.” He cupped her face and kissed her, letting all his anger out.

“Tobias!” She turned her face away just enough to break their contact.

“I miss you like hell,” he said, bringing her eyes back to him, “but I’m not going to ask you again. If you don’t want to get back, if I got this all wrong… Just say the word and I’ll leave. But if that’s the case, I don’t want to see you anymore. Ever.” She drew a shaky breath. “But, Kellz,” he held her face firmly and rested his forehead against hers, “if you do… If I am right… I’m right here.”


	6. Part VI

She gave in and kissed him without saying a word. At some point during the night, Tobias asked if that was a yes, to which she smiled brightly and whispered that is was, before disappearing under the sheets once more.

A distant buzzing brought her back from her dreams, and the warm sunlight coming through the curtains finished the job of waking her up. At first she didn’t remember where she was, but the memories came swirling back when she felt the weight of his arm on her waist. He grumbled when she turned to him.

“I think that’s your phone,” she whispered to his shoulder.

Still grumbling, he reached the thing on the bedside table and looked at the screen. “I’m going to kill Felix.”

She laughed and took the phone from his hands, trying to imitate his voice, “Hallo?”

“Tobi?!” Felix was amused and excited at the same time. “Wie war es?”

“Shit, I still can’t speak german right, but I think you’re asking if everything went ok?”

“Kelly!” He screamed and she could hear Eggi in the back.

“Thank you for the set up last night, boys, but we’re still sleeping,” Tobias started to pull her arm, “we’ll go down for breakfast in 30…” he raised his index finger, “in one hour. Love you, bye,” she shouted as he took the phone from her hands and turned it off.

Laughing, he pinned her to the bed and bit her neck. “One hour won’t be enough for a proper good morning.”


	7. Part VII

“So, you’re not angry with me?”

“Of course not,” she smiled and sipped her coffee. “I’m grateful. I would have never reached out to him by myself.”

“Is this really what you want, then? Are you back for real?” Felix smiled when she looked away to where Tobias was chatting with other crew members.

“I guess we are,” she turned back to him.

“Thank god, Kellz. Honestly, he’s changed a lot since you left. I really think now is the time to make it work again between you two.”

“Thank you for everything, Felix.” She took his hand between hers and squeezed it. “I don’t want to ask him because I don’t know how he will react, but what happened to Jenny? He said something last night about not having any healthy relationships… I figured he was talking about her…”

“Yeah, he really tried with her. They even got engaged, moved in together and everything.”

“What happened?”

“My guess is he got tired of pretending she was you.”

“Ouch.”

He shrugged, “I don’t mean it in a bad way. Anyway, it happened around the same time he heard about you and Shannon.”

“He was waiting for it, wasn’t he?” She turned to look at him again, laughing and joking around with everybody. Felix knew he didn’t have to answer that. “I just hope I’m doing the right thing here.”

“I can’t remember the last time I saw him this happy. Really happy, not just pretending. And you should be just as radiant, what’s wrong?”

“You know what’s wrong, Felix. I’m still working for Shannon. I’m sure Tobi is going to ask me to move back to Germany and I can’t leave my job.”

“About that, can you please explain to me why you are still working for him? After everything?”

She looked down at her coffee and pushed it away as if she’d suddenly remembered she didn’t like it. “I pushed him to open his own business. I even helped him plant the first beans, for fuck’s sake. How am I going to leave now when he’s so close to get it working?”

Felix sighed. “I understand you’re in a very delicate position, but just be honest with Tobi when he asks you about it. You’ll always have a job with us if you need one anyway.”


	8. Part VIII

"Hey,” Tobias came to their table and kissed her briefly on the lips. “Everything ok?”

“Yeah, we were just catching up,” she smiled. “You know us, we’re worse than a couple of old ladies.”

He rolled his eyes and took her hand. “I’m not going to complain about it, at least not today. But, Felix,” the drummer raised his arms as if to show he was innocent, “back off!”

“I didn’t do anything!” He laughed and got up. “Well, I’ll leave you lovebirds alone, I have to finish packing.”

As he walked away, like most of the band and crew were doing, Kelly got up and threw her hands around Tobi’s neck. “I should start packing too, I have a meeting…”

“You’re coming to São Paulo with us, right?” He interrupted.

She emptied her lungs with an audible sigh. “Tobi, I have a meeting on Monday, I really need to head back to LA.”

“Which brings me to the third question that I never had the chance to ask yesterday,” the corners of his mouth went up in a mischievous smile. “Move back to Germany, take your job back.”

It was her turn to roll her eyes. “Yeah, that’s not really a question.” She moved away from him and towards the balcony opposite to the entrance of the restaurant. He followed her, as he was decided not to get a “no” for an answer.

“It’s an offer, than,” he leaned against the balcony next to her and put a strand of hair behind her ear while she was looking at the street below. “Take it as you will.”

“Tobi, you don’t need a PA.”

“Of course I don’t, I’m not an immature prick who needs babysitting.” He laughed when she tried to put on an angry face and failed. “You don’t have to work for me if you don’t want to, you can look for something else, anything you want. Just come back home with me.”

“I would love that, honestly. But this is not a decision I can make so fast, I am invested in that company, even though Shannon and I are not together anymore.” Tobi opened his mouth and she stopped him. “But! As much as I want to, I can’t see a future for me there. So… Just give me some time to think, will you?”

He smiled and kissed her. “Of course, all the time you need, as long as it’s not too much.”

“You idiot”, she laughed and kissed him again. “Do you think we can still find a ticket for me in your flight?”

He stared at her wide-eyed, “what about your super important meeting?”

She shrugged, “I might regret it, but I’ll figure something out. I’ll regret more if I don’t go to São Paulo with you.”

“Perfect!” He was radiant and she couldn’t resist seeing him that happy. She jumped in his arms and stopped worrying about everything else for a moment.


	9. Part IX

“Okay, I got it!” Kelly walked to where they were waiting for the boarding call and sat next to Tobias, putting the ticket in her purse. “But the only seat available was next to Eggi,” she smiled to him, “I guess you’re stuck with me, buddy.”

He pulled one of his funny faces and put his right hand on the left side of his chest, “it will be an honor, milady.” Then, a little more serious, “I’m very happy to know that you’re back, we’ve missed you. He missed you a lot,” he pointed to Tobias, “really, I was about to go after you and drag you back from wherever just to make him stop being such a pain in…”

“Eggi, shut up!” Tobias cut in rolling his eyes.

She laughed and kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks, Eggi, I’ll do my best to keep him happy now.”

“You’re a saint!”

“Alright, that’s it,” Tobias got up. “Don’t you want to come with me and get some coffee, Kelly?”

She followed him laughing to a vending machine. “You’re cute when you’re pissed with someone else,” she leaned on the machine and watched him push the buttons.

One corner of his mouth curled up and he shook his head. “I forgot how irritating you and Eggi are together,” he gave her the cup and started to choose his coffee.

She sipped hers and smiled. “Cappuccino.”

“With little chocolate,” he agreed, not turning to her, “how could I forget?”

He took his cup and they started to walk through the airport. “Isn’t this weird for you?” She asked.

“What?”

“Going back to São Paulo… With me.”

He shrugged and sipped his coffee. “It was weird without you, today it feels… I don’t know, like everything fell back into its place, I guess.”

“To me it was always the place where we broke up. I hated when I had to go back there, especially to that venue.”

“Then you’re in luck, we’re not playing there this time,” he smiled. “But hey,” he stopped and cupped her face when she turned to him, “it’s just a matter of making new memories.” He kissed her as if they were saying goodbye, or hello after a very long time apart, leaving her all flushed and out of breath.

“Tobias!” She whispered against his neck when he hugged her tight. “Are you crazy? Everyone can see us here!”

“Good, I’m not trying to hide anything.”

She pushed him away gently and looked around with discretion, searching for any sign of recognition from the people around them. Edguy didn’t use to attract the attention of paparazzi, but their fans were always around, especially in Brazil. The last thing she needed was a photo of Tobias and her french kissing in the middle of the airport being mailed to Shannon before she could talk to him in person.

Not seeing any cellphones pointed at them, she relaxed a little. “I have to make a few calls, Tobi. I’ll meet you and the guys in a minute, okay?” And she walked away without waiting for his reaction.


	10. Part X

Kelly dialed the number by heart and waited for an answer holding the paper cup with more than the necessary strength.

“Hello?” A male voice came from the other end.

“Finally! Evans, where’s Cam?”

“Kelly, is that you?”

“Of course it’s me. Where’s your wife?”

“Cam is feeding the baby, I don’t think she can…”

“I don’t care who she’s feeding, I really need to talk to her!”

She heard a loud and theatrical sigh followed by his muffled voice: “Babe, it’s Kelly. Either she’s in serious trouble or did something really stupid last night.” She could hear her best friend laughing.

“What did you do this time?”

“Cam! Alright, are you sitting? Well, of course you’re sitting. Give the baby to Evans. Evans, I know you put me on speaker, get your daughter for a minute, yes?”

“Calm down, Kelz, what happened?” Cam was laughing, but Kelly knew she was giving the baby to her husband.

“Has Shannon contacted you in any way?” She considered and then added, “or Jared?”

“No, not since the last time they came here with you. Why?”

“Don’t yell at me, okay?”

“Oh no, where are you?”

“Don’t yell at me! I’m at the airport in Porto Alegre, I’m going to São Paulo. With Tobias.”

“YOU WHAT?”

“Cam, don’t yell!” She started to pace around the airport trying to keep her own voice down. “Look, Edguy is touring here this weekend. I was talking to Felix, you know I always talk to Felix, and I thought it would be good to fly out on my weekend off and see the boys.”

“The boys or the boy?”

“Oh, please! Anyway, I went to the concert here last night, and… things kind of just happened.”

“Oh no…”

“I’ll give you the details later, if you want. We’re back together, Cam.”

“Noooo!”

“And I’m going to São Paulo with them. The concert there is tomorrow, I won’t be able to get back to LA in time for a meeting on Monday morning.”

“What do you want us to do?” Evans decided to stop pretending he wasn’t listening.

“Chris!” His wife censured him.

“What? She likes the guy, what’s the problem? She just wants to be the one who delivers the news to Shannon, because even though they’re not a couple anymore, he’s going to react badly and it’s going to be hell for her when she comes back.”

Kelly grinned. “Cam, I hope you realize you won the jackpot with this one.”

She sighed, “I’m well aware. You want us to cover for you, is that it?”

“Well, yes. I’m going to call Travis and ask him to attend to the meeting in my place. Shannon is going to be there and he has to look good, it will be a good opportunity for Blackfuel, he can’t blow it. Then I’m going to call Emma and ask her for some extra cover. Tobias is not exactly trying his best to be discrete, and I just want Shannon to get the news from me, because I think… hell, there’s a big chance that I…”

“You’re going to quit,” Cam finished for her. “You’re moving to Germany.”

“I guess… Yes,” she sat on an empty chair and finished her cappuccino.

“Isn’t it too soon to make this decision, Kelz?” Cam’s voice came trough after a few seconds. “Forget that I don’t like Tobias, that’s not why I’m saying this. You just met the guy after what? Six years? You don’t even know each other anymore.”

“Wasn’t it the same when Jared asked me to go to Los Angeles?”

“Oh, but that was different, you already had friends here.”

Kelly laughed, “I have friends in Germany too. I know you’re worried, and I would be too if it were you telling me these things.” She looked at the empty cup in her hand and smiled. “It’s hard to explain, Cam, but something changed between Tobi and I. It’s like we needed all those years apart, I knew that when I laid eyes on him last night. We both grew up to be what we wanted each other to be, we’re not kids anymore. And it’s going to be better for me outside LA! Do you think I want to live the rest of my life in Shannon’s shadow? I only stayed there because, in spite of everything, I wanted to help him… I feel sorry for him and that’s not fair on any of us.” She waited, but her friend was silent. The only sound she could hear was baby Sarah’s little noises.

“No, it’s not.” That was Evans. “Do what you have to do, Kelly, you have our support.”

“Cam?”

“Yes,” she finally answered, “go, enjoy the show. If they call we’ll say we don’t know where you are. But please don’t do anything stupid! Sarah loves her godmother very much.”

“I won’t,” Kelly grinned, “don’t worry. I’ll call you as soon as I get back, promise. Bye, guys. Bye Sarah!” Her goddaughter screamed something in return and they all laughed.

She heard the boarding call when she was looking for Travis’s number, she wouldn’t have time to call him and Emma before getting on the plane. “Damn it!” She whispered throwing the cup away and walking back to where everybody was getting up and ready to board.

“Did you make your calls?” Tobias asked her when she joined them.

“Only one of them.”

“Can’t you text the others?”

“I could, but I would solve the problem faster if I talked to people.”

He smirked, “am I the problem?”

She just rolled her eyes and smiled.


	11. Part XI

After checking in at the hotel in São Paulo and taking their bags to their room, Kelly sat on the bed and started typing away on her phone. Tobias lay down in front of her and rested his head on her crossed legs. “Do you have to do this now?” He asked.

“The sooner I talk to them, the better,” she answered without taking her eyes from the screen. Then, looking directly at him, “I’m sorry, Tobi. I know you wanted me to be a hundred per cent here with you, but I can’t get away from my job over night. I need time to sort things out.”

“What do you have to sort out? I thought this was all because I kissed you at the airport, what does that have to do with your job?”

She snorted and started to play with his hair, “oh, you have no idea.”

He turned and adjusted himself on the bed so he was sitting across from her. “Explain it to me then.”

She smiled and shook her head, “you won’t understand. Their world is not… normal. Every little thing they do has immense consequences.”

“Why wouldn’t I understand?”

“Because you’re not like this, you don’t sell your imagine or your personal life alongside with your music. Your fans in general don’t care about who you sleep with and what you have for breakfast the next morning.”

“I don’t agree with this insanity, it doesn’t mean I won’t understand.”

“Of course,” Kelly looked at her iPhone, dreading the calls she still had to make. “Anyway, Shannon has a shitload of problems, you know that. As if all the pressure from the media and their fans wasn’t enough, he has a real low self-esteem and this idea that he has to live like a rock star and surround himself with sex, drugs and expensive things, because somehow it will make him look and feel better.”

“Did you ever really love him?”

“Yeah, of course I did. He was my friend before things got too serious, you know. We were just friends fooling around for I don't even know how long, until we were more than that. But I knew about his problems, and I was pretty fucked up as well. I mean, in less than a year I'd lost my mom, you, my job... I wasn't the soberest girl around. So, I don't know, I guess it was my fault, right? Between the two of us and our demons, we really didn't make the best match, but I went along with it. I thought we could save each other. And he did save me! But I couldn't do the same for him, he wouldn't let me. And that destroyed me, Tobi. But I still liked him a lot and I tried to make it work for as long as I could, until I realized I was only doing that because I felt sorry for him. And, although I'd ended things, I knew I couldn’t leave him completely. His brother would kill me if I did, and I honestly didn't want to. By then we were already deep into Black Fuel, and, God, he wanted this company so much at first! When I broke up with him, he reacted as you would expect him to. I knew that eventually he was going to sabotage his own thing, that’s why I stayed. That’s why I’m still there, working for him. The meeting on Monday is to discuss the details for the launching; he has to be there, you know, looking good.”

“And if you are not there by his side he is probably going to ruin it,” he finished for her.

“Basically, yes.”

“That’s why you were so worried when I kissed you in public.”

Kelly shrugged, “you have to understand, I got used to hiding my relationship with him. It’s almost a basic instinct now.”

“I don’t want to hide you, Kelly. I don’t want to announce you either, but you’re not a secret. It’s not fair that I have to keep you locked in this hotel room just because of him.”

“You don’t have to lock me in here,” she smiled. “But it would be really good if we didn’t hug or kiss or hold hands in public… at least until I talk to him.”

He put his forehead on her shoulder and whined. “I keep trying not to hate him, I swear I do.”

“Hey,” she lifted his head and held his face close to hers, “it’s not forever. Besides, I’ve decided I’m going to Germany.”

“But only after his company launches, am I right?” He smiled anyway, “it’s okay, I trust you,” he pressed his lips against hers for a second. “I don’t like this, but I trust you. If this is what you have to do to be free from him for good, do it,” he put her phone in her hands, kissed her temple and lay back against the pillows, taking out his own mobile.

Kelly thanked him and walked out to the balcony, where she sat on a chair and called Travis.


	12. Part XII

Kelly didn’t like Travis. As much as Shannon did, and she had to admit he was always calmer when Travis was around, she thought the guy was an arrogant middle aged man who would do anything to keep his nasty lifestyle. Black Fuel was a dream that she convinced Shannon to go after, not only because he wanted it so much, but because it would be good for him. She was almost accepting Shannon’s invitation to become his partner when he told her Travis would have a share of the business as well. After that she said no to the partnership and remained working only as an employee and Shannon’s PA. It was always a challenge for her when she had to have a real conversation with Travis.

“Hi, Kelly,” he answered his cell and she took a deep breath.

“Travis. Are you with Shannon?”

“No. We’ve just had lunch together, but he went home afterwards. I think we are going to a club tonight, though.” A club. Typical Travis. “Are you having trouble contacting him?”

“No, I was just checking. Listen, I need a favor. I’m not going to be able to go to that meeting on Monday morning.”

“Why? Where are you?” He sounded completely uninterested. She wondered if she would raise any red flags if she told him part of the truth.

“Shannon gave me the weekend off, remember? I came to Brazil to visit some friends.”

“Oh, nice.” She pictured him browsing through a magazine or whatever, only partially conscious of what she was saying. Well, she was probably making his day, giving him total freedom to rule over the meeting. “When will you be back?”

“On Monday, but around 3 pm. And I need you to keep this from Shannon for now, alright? If he asks why I’m not there, tell him my flight got delayed.”

“Being sneaky, are we?” Finally he seemed to pay more attention. “What are you doing down there that is such a secret?”

“Nothing that concerns you. Look, the only reason I’m telling you this is because you know how important that damn meeting is. Don’t let him blow it, alright?”

“Don’t worry. You know I always take good care of our boy when you leave him.”

“Ugh, you’re disgusting,” she covered her eyes with her hands. “Ok, thank you. Call me if there’s any trouble.” She ended the call and suppressed the urge to throw her phone from the balcony.

Tobias was chuckling and she turned on the chair to look at him. “I’m sorry, it’s too surreal. It’s like watching a chick flick.”

“Oh, fuck you. How do you even know this expression?” She asked half annoyed and half amused and turned back to make the last call.

“Hey, Kelz,” came a very happy and familiar voice. People always thought Emma was angry all the time, but she was one of the most cheerful people Kelly knew.

“Ems, I didn’t realize how much I needed a girls night until I heard your voice just now!” They both laughed and she continued, “everything okay over there?”

“You know, nothing new. Where are you? You sound so distant.”

“I’m sure I sound just fine, but I’m in Brazil. How did you know?” She could see Emma grinning.

“Cam called, don’t be mad at her.”

“Of course not, I should have expected that,” Kelly smiled. “So…”

“Don’t worry, girl. Go do your thing and I’ll keep an eye on the boys from my end. But you owe me big, don’t you think I’ll forget about it.”

“How about a tequila night on Wednesday?”

“Deal. I’ll tell Cam. Now go, have fun for us!”

“You’re the best! Thank you.”

She threw her phone on the couch on the other end of the room and jumped in bed next to Tobias. The guys were planning to have dinner in a steak house near the hotel, but there were still some time left before they had to get ready.

“Are you all mine now?” He asked with his tiny german accent when she straddled his hips.

“For the time being,” she kissed him. “We might as well enjoy it.”


	13. Part XIII

Dinner with the whole crew was great and reminded Kelly of how things used to be back when she was a part of the team. It amazed her how easy it was to forget about the past six years and pretend like she had never left. In many ways, hanging out with those people was like coming home, and she was so happy to be with them that Shannon never crossed her mind that night. At some point a young man that was at the restaurant with his wife went to the table and asked Jens if he could take a picture with all of them. He could and he did, they talked for some minutes and then the couple left.

Back at the hotel there was a small group of fans waiting for them at the lobby and Kelly jumped back into her old shoes without noticing it. Getting out of the van before the boys, she walked in first with some of the tech guys and a girl went straight to her.

“Are they coming with you?” The girl asked and Kelly saw her friends approaching with that hopeful look you didn’t quite see in other situations. She smiled and walked with the girls back to where the main group was.

“How are you, guys?” Kelly took a closer look at them and didn’t see anyone familiar. “The boys are coming back from dinner; they will take a few pictures and sign your CDs, but don’t hold them for too long, ok? They need to rest for tomorrow. And please, don’t spread the word about the hotel to your friends, otherwise you won’t have moments like this on the next tours!”

They were all shaking their heads in agreement. Some of the younger kids were nervous; the older ones were calmer, but still anxious, smiling broadly. Kelly sat on the arm of a chair close by and watched as the boys got in and walked to where they were, smiling and laughing and being the adorable band that they were loved for being. Jens was the first to leave, looking for Kelly when he was ready. She noticed him right away and got up to help, although he didn’t really need it. She only touched his arm and smiled to the guy that was still talking to him.

“Thank you. See you tomorrow, man,” Jens said and went with Kelly to the elevators.

“Need any more help?” She asked.

“No, but he does,” he pointed to Tobias and laughed. She looked back and saw the usual scenario: all the girls unconsciously forming a half circle around him. “Go. Good night,” he said while the doors were closing.

As usual, Eggi and Felix were joking around with some of the fans, Dirk was talking to one of the girls, and Tobi was trying his best to talk to all of them, sign their stuff, take all the pictures they wanted him to take and hold all the gifts at the same time. Kelly went to him and he gave her the stuffed animals and the other present bags while she whispered in his ear, “five more minutes.”

When she got closer, Eggi squeezed her in a painful hug and only half released her, keeping one arm around her shoulders while Felix still talked to the guys. One of them was wearing a Savage Union Brazil t-shirt and she raised her eyebrows in recognition, pointing at it. “Nice!” She turned to Eggi, “what about Adriana?”

“Breakfast tomorrow,” he grinned, always the happiest of them all. Adriana was one of the first friends the boys made in Brazil, even before Kelly met them. She founded the official Brazilian fan club and became a close friend of the band, especially Eggi. Kelly was anxious to see her again.

“Alright, boys. Let’s go?” She poked Felix on the ribs to get his attention. “I’m sorry, guys, time’s up,” she said to the one wearing the fan club t-shirt.

They said their goodbyes and left to the elevators, stopping on their way to get Dirk. Kelly saw that he was exchanging phone numbers with the girl and chuckled to herself. Man, it really felt like nothing had changed. She went to Tobias and smiled apologetically to the girls, who knew that it was time to go. He thanked them again, waved goodbye and walked away.

“Thanks, girls,” Kelly said. “Remember, don’t tell anyone about the hotel.” She was starting to walk away when one of them said something that she wasn’t expecting to hear.

“It’s good to have you back, Kelly." She turned back, surprised, and tried to remember the girl from the last years she’d work with Edguy. “I was in that meet & greet in 2009, I don’t know if you will remember me. I had red hair back then.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t. And I’m sorry about that meet & greet too.” Kelly looked around and saw Tobias was talking to someone at the reception.

“That’s okay,” the girl smiled. “We know you tried to do something good for us. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” she crossed her arms around the stuffed zebras and bears.

“Are you and Tobi back together?” Kelly was expecting everything but that and she lost a few seconds trying to think of something to say.

“We’re not,” she answered and knew that that wasn’t even a little bit convincing. “I’m just here for tomorrow’s concert, actually.”

“I thought you and Tobi weren’t speaking.” Gee, who was that girl?

“For a while we weren’t,” always better to go with the truth, at least part of it, “but we are still friends.” She smiled and started to turn when the girl interrupted her again.

“I just wanted to say… I’m sorry if you broke up because of what happened in 2009. It wasn’t your fault and it was unfair of Tobi to blame you for that.”

Kelly was speechless. “Wow, thank you. He didn’t really blame me, but it means a lot to hear that.”

The girl smiled. “I hope you are back together, you know? We all like you,” she gestured to her friends leaving the hotel and Kelly was once again stunned by her words. “And don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone about it.” She turned and ran to her friends.

Kelly followed Tobias into the elevator and leaned against the mirror, feeling tired. She looked at all the stuffed animals and smiled.

“You have such adorable fans!”

“What was that girl saying to you?”

“She recognized me and asked if we were back together.” Tobias burst out laughing. “Of course I said no, but I’m sure she didn’t believe me.” She shrugged, “well, fuck it.”

“Thank you for helping out down there,” he kissed her temple when they got to their floor and walked to their room. “You enjoyed it, didn’t you?”

She put his presents on the couch and raised her arms with her palms up. “Guilty. I really missed that routine with you guys.”

Tobias seemed satisfied with her answer, and Kelly’s last thought before closing her eyes that night was that she was doing the right thing.


	14. Part XIV

When Kelly and Tobias went down for breakfast on Sunday morning, Eggi and Jens were already eating with Adriana. She wasn’t so surprised in seeing Kelly there, which probably had something to do with Eggi’s babbling. In any case, it was a happy reunion and they spent hours catching up. Adriana told them she really wasn’t in charge of the fan club administration anymore, although she was still president, and that all of the “original gang” had also drifted away from SUB, although they were still friends and most of them were going to meet at the concert that night. At that, Tobias said, in a very casual way, that it was normal for people to discover new interests and leave, but the real deal was to rediscover old interests and feel like they’ve never left. He smiled to Kelly when he said that and she stopped stirring her coffee to look at him.

“I can’t believe you said that,” she chuckled and kissed him on the cheek.

During their sound check in the afternoon the girls took their time to talk more privately and enjoy each other’s company. There would be another meet and greet before the concert that night, and Kelly was curious to see how that was going to turn out, seeing that Tobias hated those things.

“I get him,” she told Adriana, “I wouldn’t like it either, it’s so artificial. But if he agrees to do it, the least he can do is put on a smile and pretend like he’s having a good time.”

“Oh, you know Tobi better than I do, he never pretends to like anything,” Adriana replied.

“Yeah, well… at least people are not paying for it. You wouldn’t believe the kind of crap I’ve had to deal with because of moody artists during very expensive meet and greets.”

“Speaking of which, how did you survive all this time? It’s so not you.”

Kelly shrugged and focused her attention on Tobias, playing around with Jens on stage. “I think I needed some time apart from all of this just to realize how much it matters to me.” Adriana agreed and they started talking about something else.

As it turned out, the meet and greet went smoothly enough, and Kelly didn’t have to help much. They organized a rotation of groups of three people every five minutes, which seemed to work out fine. Tobias was smiling and laughing, but Kelly knew he wasn’t comfortable, and he wasn’t able to fake it all the time. But it was okay, there were no major incidents and when it was over they went to get ready for the concert.

It was a small stage, the kind where the band gets really close to the audience, creating a nice, intimate vibe. The venue was at full capacity, and the noise all those people were making and the heat coming from them were what made all the boys so happy. Kelly was standing at the side of the stage, jumping and screaming like a regular fan, grinning every time Tobias turned his head to see her. It took her a few minutes to realize her phone was buzzing in her jeans pocket, and she only did it when they were about to play a ballad and Tobias was talking to the crowd, making his usual jokes about Felix. She took her phone and saw Jared’s name flashing at her like an accusation. Walking away from the music, she locked herself in the backstage area and answered what she was expecting to be a very pissed off Jared.

“Hello?”

“Kelly!” He surely wasn’t happy. “I’ve been trying to call you for half an hour, where are you?”

“I didn’t hear it, I’m sorry. What happened?” No reason to give her story away before she had to.

“That’s what I want to know. What are you doing in Brazil?”

Shit.

“I took a long weekend off, it’s none of your concern what I do when I’m not making sure your brother is behaving.” She started to pace around the room. “And how did you find out I’m here?”

“I met Emma at the office and she had some pictures of you on her screen, it doesn’t matter.”

“You went snooping around Emma’s computer?”

“It depends. Did you ask her to cover for you?”

“Christ, you’re unbelievable!” She almost screamed.

“Does Shannon know about this?” He raised his voice too.

“Not yet, and I would like to keep it that way. Jared, I don’t work for you and I don’t have to justify my actions to you. I’m going to talk to him when I get back, you don’t have to worry. I’ll call you after I talk to Shannon.”

Kelly turned her phone off without waiting for his answer and left it on the couch before going back to her spot to finish watching the concert. Tobias had noticed her absence and he saw the angry look on her face when she returned, her jaws clenched and her arms crossed in front of her chest. He frowned and formed the words “are you okay?” while Jens was playing a guitar solo. She forced herself to smile and answered that she was fine.


	15. Part XV

“I don’t like this,” Tobias said when he rugged her at the airport the next morning.

“I know you don’t,” Kelly smiled. “But it’s only for a couple of weeks. I’ll meet you in Germany before you know it.”

“Before the holidays, I hope.”

“That’s the plan. You behave until then.” She kissed him on the neck and broke their contact to say goodbye to the rest of the guys. They were taking a domestic flight to Belo Horizonte, where they were going to play that night, and she was going back to Los Angeles to take care of everything before moving permanently to Germany. She had no idea of when she would be ready to move, but she had already made plans to spent Christmas and New Year’s Eve there. With a few last words of goodbye she separated from the group and went to her boarding area.

Kelly was only nineteen years old when she went to Germany for the first time in 2004. After a big fight with her mother, she filled a backpack with some essentials and left New York for a country where she knew no one but a guy she met online and became friends with a couple of years previous to that. She crashed at his place in Fulda for a while and, as it turned out, he had some friends from high school that had formed a heavy metal band called Edguy, that was getting pretty famous. She had never heard of them or Tobias Sammet or Avantasia, but Lars insisted they were cool guys, so one night they went to a pub together. She met Tobias, Jens and Dirk that night and became friends with Tobias in an instant. They were releasing a new album called Hellfire Club and were about to go out on a world tour. Countless beers later, and after listening to her story, Tobias invited her to go on tour with them as a member of their crew. She had no idea what the job was, but was too drunk to ask for more details, so she said yes and a week later she was going to Prague with a group of strangers. During the first days nobody knew exactly what she was doing there, but soon Kelly took over and started to organize their schedules so they didn’t even have to think about it. She became a part of their team and formed an inseparable trio with Eggi and Felix. Her relationship with Tobias grew stronger every country they went to, and around July, when they were in Australia, they decided it was time to admit that it wasn’t merely friendly. When the tour was over, they went back home, she bought an apartment and started working at a coffee shop in the city, but would drop everything to go with them when the boys had to travel.

For constantly being on the road, Kelly had friends everywhere and she felt comfortable in most places, but her apartment in Fulda was her favorite spot in the whole world. If being close to Tobias hadn’t been a problem after they broke up, she would have stayed there instead of renting the place and going back to New York. She would give everything to be getting on a plane to Europe rather than the U.S. right now, but she had this responsibility she couldn’t turn her back on.

Although she had been dreading the moment she would have to say goodbye to Tobias, she was happy when she found herself alone in the plane with almost 12 hours of flight ahead of her. That was almost 12 hours to think and rethink and make sure she wouldn’t regret any of her decisions. Also, it was enough time to plan in detail what she was going to tell Shannon. And how.

Kelly landed in LA at around 2 pm. She took a taxi home, texting Tobias on the way to let him know she had landed and wishing him a good show. After a quick shower and a sandwich, she drove to Shannon’s house expecting to organize her work and meet him there. Her nerves were surprisingly under control until she saw his Rover on the driveway.

_Well, here goes nothing._


	16. Part XVI

The house seemed to be empty, but she knew that wasn't true. They had improvised an office in one of the rooms linked to the main living room, where Shannon used to relax and receive people for more informal meetings. Kelly walked to her desk, closer to the glass door that led to the pool, and then she heard some voices. Ok, there they were. Making sure she didn’t look outside, she turned her desktop on, checked the schedule for the week, making some notes here and there, and went to Shannon’s bar to get some coffee. She knew he had seen her and that he would come to her. That was one of the abilities they had developed during their relationship; one that she now found deeply annoying. Even when they were only friends, they were so close and had such a strong connection, that one always knew when the other was around, even if the room was crowded. It was almost like magnets the way their eyes would always meet, even when they were so angry they could kill each other. She wondered how long it would be until that stopped happening.

“You’re back.” He walked into the house and closed the glass panel behind himself.

“I am,” Kelly smiled for a second behind her coffee. “I’m sorry I missed the meeting today. How did it go?”

“Oh, it went really well. Looks like everything will be ready by March, we’ll be good to go by the 9th.” As he talked, he got closer to the bar and by the time he finished he was leaning on the counter an arm’s length from her.

“That’s really good, Shannon.” She didn’t have to fake the honesty in her voice and the more sincere smile that followed.

“Yeah,” he bit his lower lip and searched her face for any indication that she would start the conversation that they had to have. She wouldn’t, not that soon. “How was Brazil?”

“Good!”

“And how is Tobias?”

Kelly felt her heart in her throat and her knees get weak. She saw that the cup she was holding was shaking and firmed her grip on it. She wasn’t expecting that, but so be it. It was better to tell him the whole thing once and for all than to wait around for the right moment. “How do you know about Tobias?” She managed to ask with a confident voice.

He grinned. “You left in a hurry last week, you forgot to turn your computer off.” She closed her eyes at her own stupidity. “A few hours after you left I heard the notification. It was an email from…”

“Felix,” she completed.

“Right. With the name of their hotel, the time of the concert and the venue.” He chuckled, “I really didn’t think much of it, but when everyone started to act weird when I asked about you, I put two and two together. I’m not that stupid, you know.”

“I never thought you were,” she finally had to put her cup down. “Shannon, we have to talk.”

“As friends, as co-workers, as ex-boyfriend and girlfriend…?”

“As Shannon and Kelly,” she stopped him putting her hand on his arm. “If that still means anything.”

He breathed out and she could see his frustration for the first time since he had walked into the house. “Alright, let’s go upstairs.”

She walked behind him to his room, where they could have more privacy, and closed the door. Sitting on a big chair and resting his feet on the bed, he crossed his arms on his chest and looked at her in silence. Following his cue, she started talking and the more she did, the calmer she got. Arguing with Shannon and surviving was an acquired super power, after all.

“Well, Tobias and I are together again, I don’t think I have to delve into more details.” Kelly sat on the bed, keeping her distance from him. “The thing is that I’m moving back to Germany as soon as possible.” At that Shannon raised his eyebrows in genuine surprise, but didn’t say anything. “I know we are not a couple anymore, but I still care immensely about you and I want to be around for as long as you need me until Black Fuel is ready to walk with its own legs.” She waited, but he was still silent. “Is that okay with you?”

Shannon scratched his neck and shrugged his shoulders with his biggest effort to look like he didn’t care and she could do whatever she wanted.

“Alright. Just so we’re clear, I’m resigning and I’m saying that after your birthday I’ll be gone. That gives us three months to work together. Can you say something?”

“What do you want me to say?” He got up all of a sudden and walked to the door. “You have everything figured out, as usual. My opinion wouldn’t make any difference.” He stopped on his tracks for a while, staring at his carpet. For a second Kelly thought he was going to say something, but then he didn’t. The only thing he mumbled over his shoulder when he was walking out of the room was that he was going for a ride and she should get to work.

Still sitting on his bed, Kelly heard when he ran down the stairs and slammed the front door.


	17. Part XVII

“He’s acting like a child! He’s making my job ten times more difficult than it should be; I spend most of my time trying to reach him on the phone instead of actually working. It’s ridiculous! Everybody knows where he is, except me. And I’m his fucking assistant!” Kelly burst out in frustration in front of her friend’s husband. Chris only chuckled, blowing smoke from his lips. “Oh, I’m sorry, Chris,” she rested her head against the wall and closed her eyes. “But you’re my best friend by extension; you sort of applied to the job when you married Cam.”

“I don’t mind,” he laughed. “Besides, your life is really entertaining.”

“I’m glad someone is amused by it,” she laughed along and punched him on the arm, “you jerk.”

They were sitting by the pool in Evans and Cam’s house, waiting for Cam and Emma to show up for their girls’ night. Cam had gone to her mother’s to drop Sarah off for the night, and Evans was flying to Boston in a couple of hours. He had just finished packing when Kelly arrived looking exhausted and they went outside for a beer – for her – and a smoke – for him. It was amazing how quickly they bonded, and sometimes Kelly felt Evans understood her better than Cam did. But that was probably because Cam had that overprotective mother thing going on, which Kelly was sure she was unaware of; and because Evans treated her like one of the boys, which was exactly how Kelly had grown up.

“You can’t really say you didn’t ask for it,” he started. “I mean, that’s how Shannon acts with everyone, you just never realized it because he was different with you.” Kelly opened her mouth to say he was wrong, but gave it a second thought. Evans grinned in victory and took the beer from her hand to celebrate.

“But am I wrong? Evans, I can’t sacrifice the rest of my life because I feel sorry for him!”

“I know, I know!” He raised his hands. “And I agree with you a hundred per cent! But if you thought Shannon would step out of the picture without making a fuss, I’m sorry to say you got blinded by the special treatment you got from him before.” Kelly breathed out in frustration and got the beer back along with the cigarette. “The only way he has to make things difficult for you is through work, and that’s his way of making his statement.”

“I wish I didn’t have to hang around until March,” she dragged on the cigarette and blew out the smoke, giving it back to him.

“Well, you don’t.”

“What?”

“You don’t,” he chuckled. “It was you who decided to do that, remember?”

“I’ll give up then!” She smiled with her thumbs up. “I don’t care about morals, I don’t care about hurting him. I’ll just give up!”

“Yeah, by the time you convince yourself to do that it will be Easter already.” He joked, but she didn’t laugh. “But hey, tell me about Tobias.”

Just as he had expected, she smiled, probably without realizing it. “What do you want to know?”

“What’s he like? How was that re encounter?”

“Oh, he’s nothing like Shannon. He’s the exact opposite of Shannon.”

“How so?” Evans dragged the cigarette for the last time and dropped the butt between his knees, stepping on it with the heel of his tennis shoes.

“He makes me happy!”

“Ouch!”

“No, seriously,” they laughed together, “he’s focused, hardworking, honest. And his sense of humor matches mine, you know? But most importantly, when I saw him on that stage and when he showed up in my room that same night, I felt…” She trailed off smiling. “If you’d asked me before how I would’ve felt, I’d have said I would feel nothing, that he no longer held an effect over me. But when I saw him there it was like coming home after a really long time away. Does it make sense?”

“God, you should see yourself talking about him,” Evans smiled. “Yeah, it makes perfect sense. Go on.

“I feel like we needed those years apart. We’re not in our early twenties anymore, and now we are sure of how we feel about each other and of what we want for the future.”

“Sounds dead serious.”

Kelly crossed her legs and smiled at nothing. “Tobi kinda said he was waiting for me all this time. Well, Felix told me he was. And it felt just like that when we met. I think we were both waiting, even unintentionally.”

“I’m telling you, you should write a tv show based on your life,” Evans hugged her briefly, kissing her temple before getting up when they heard Cam’s car pulling up into the driveway.

“You smell like cigarettes, Cam is going to kill you.” She said while she got up too.

“I’ll just blame it on you,” he winked and searched his pockets for some gums. “Want some?”

“Thanks, it doesn’t go well with alcohol. But hey,” she grabbed his arm before they went inside the house. “Thanks for listening, Evans. It means a lot… Especially because I know Cam is not happy about the whole thing.”

He turned and rugged her again. “Don’t mind her, she’s just protecting you. I’m team Tobias, in part because I never really liked Shannon. But mostly because I can see how happy you are. Eventually she will see it too.”

“I can’t believe you said team Tobias!” Kelly burst out laughing.

“Cool, right?” They went inside at the same time Cam and Emma walked through the front door, and Evans whispered, “bring him here some time, alright? I want to meet him.”

Kelly winked and raised her hand making a circle with her thumb and her index finger.

“That’s got to mean trouble.” Cam laughed from the kitchen.


	18. Part XVIII

One night, not long before Kelly went to Brazil, Shannon had knocked on her door after a long fight about letting the girls he was sleeping with walk freely in and out of his house. They were taking selfies and seemingly random photos and posting them with geographical tags on the internet, allowing the whole world to know where they were.

“This has got to stop, Shannon! It’s not only your house, it’s our office for now. Either you get us a new place to work or you put your girls on a leash. If you don’t do it, I will!” These were Kelly’s final words before she left him breathing fire and drove home to a bottle of wine.

All the way in the car she kept on cursing him and trying to make up her mind about the decision that had been haunting her for months: should she quit and move to another city (another planet, if possible!) or stay a while longer? When she parked on her driveway and got out of the car her mind was set: she was going to quit the next day, screw the consequences.

Only Shannon showed up on her doorstep an hour later and their arguments led them to her bedroom, which seemed to be their neutral ground. 

“You have to let me go,” she said lying on her stomach as he traced her back with the tips of his fingers. “This is bad for both of us.”

“Is it really?” He grabbed her cheeks and she adjusted to let him touch her and make her orgasm for the second time that night.

“You have women lining up for you. You don’t need me.” Kelly stated some moments later.

“It’s different. You are not after my name, my brother or my money. You know me.” He kissed her and closed his eyes. “No matter how much we fight, at the end of the day I know I can count on you.”

Kelly sighed and looked at him with worry. “Eventually you’ll have to learn to stand without me, Shan.”

But he had already fallen asleep.

That wasn’t the first time they had had sex after ending their relationship, but it was the last. With her continued rejection, Shannon took the fling he was having with Kirstina Colonna to the next level, which resulted in the model spending more and more time in his house, and the fights between him and Kelly becoming even more frequent.

_________________________________________________

And now she was back, after a quiet few months away from their lives. Kelly could see them talking by the pool and she couldn’t stand the sight of that woman. The problem with Kirstina was that she made Shannon go wild, she brought out the worst in him, and literally nobody liked her. But Kelly herself couldn’t do anything about that, because anything she said would be taken as jealousy and paranoia. The only thing she could do was to make sure the echelon wouldn’t hear a thing. It was a nearly impossible task, the echelon being as it was, but Kelly was used to taking up on challenges like that. It did however slowed her work on Blackfuel. That was making her consider what Evans had told her the other night: she didn’t have to stay around until March, she was the one who had imposed that deadline on herself. Out of… what? Pity, she hated to admit.

A movement caught her attention and she saw both of them walking back to the house, his arm over her shoulder. Fighting the urge to roll her eyes, Kelly watched from her desk as they passed by her. They walked down a short flight of stairs and had just gotten out of sight when she heard him saying he had forgotten something. The two interns in the room looked at Kelly and left for a coffee break, leaving her alone to deal with the boss.

“I’m going out with Kirstina, don’t call me unless it’s dead urgent,” Shannon told her from behind her desktop.

“You have an early breakfast with Jared and your mother tomorrow,” she didn’t take her eyes away from the screen. “Keep that in mind.”

“Call Jared and cancel.”

“What?!” Kelly raised her eyes and her voice.

“Or go meet them in my place, they definitely like you better than me anyway.”

“It’s your family and it’s Christmas time, are you really going to put her first?” She pointed to the hall.

“Don’t talk to me about family! You are already practically running Blackfuel in my place, calling all the shots. You don’t get to tell me how I should act around my family!” Shannon raised his voice and closed his fists.

“I call all the shots because you’re never around.” She got up and faced him. “Constance calls me every day to ask about you, do you know that? Do you know how many times I had to lie to her so that she wouldn’t be disappointed in you? So go, Shannon! I can make something up again, I can cover for you again, no problem. But don’t you thing for a second that you are fooling anyone. You built up this image that you like to show people, a bad boy with a fragile heart, who’s always working hard for his dreams to come true and who values family more than anything. But guess what? Your family doesn’t recognize you anymore, I’m the one busting my ass to put Blackfuel together, and the only one being fooled around here is you.”

Kelly grabbed her backpack and walked around her desk and past him. She was headed for her car.

“Don’t you dare walking away from me like this!” Shannon held her arm and turned her so she was facing him.

“Or what? You’ll fire me? Go ahead, I beg you.”

As he didn’t say anything, she freed her arm from his grip and left. She was so blinded by hate that she didn’t even see Kirstina standing in the driveway.


	19. Part XIX

The house was empty, of course. She couldn’t have expected anything different. But all Kelly wanted was to come home after a long day of work and find Tobias waiting for her. In the past they used to stay up for hours, just talking or making plans together. He had this thing that if he had something in mind (which he usually did), he couldn’t sleep without writing it. And if Kelly was around he would want to show it to her and get her opinion. So that’s how most of their nights at home used to go: they had dinner in the kitchen and sex in the living room, and then Tobias went to his improvised studio, where Kelly had improvised an armchair. He would work for hours while she read a book, sometimes they would interrupt each other, other times they would just do their things until she fell asleep. When that happened, he would wake her up just to get her to bed, and then he would get back to his music. It wasn’t rare for Kelly to wake up alone and find Tobias asleep on the armchair, and she would lecture him every time, but she'd be damned if she didn’t miss those nights.

When Felix told her that Tobias had bought a house with a basement, where he had built his studio, Kelly wouldn’t stop grinning about it.

“So he finally got his man cave, huh?” She had asked Felix.

“How do you know that’s how he calls it?”

“We kind of planned it together,” she had smiled on the phone. “I’m really glad he did it.”

Now she was dying to go there and finally see the place. During those days after getting back from Brazil, Tobias and her had texted basically all the time, and it killed them to be in such different time zones. Although she avoided talking about her arguments with Shannon, she really wanted to talk to him right now.

Driving home she thought about what she was doing there and how it didn’t make any sense. Black Fuel was as a dead end in her life as Shannon was, and if she couldn’t help him before, what had made her think she would be capable of doing it now? She was only torturing everyone involved: Tobias, for making him wait even longer, herself, for insisting on something she knew deep down to be a lost cause, and, finally, Shannon, just for being around him. They had barely survived two weeks, they wouldn’t make it until March. It was time for her to decide.

Yet, she had been sitting at her kitchen counter for an hour already, starring at her list of pros and cons and her phone, killing a bottle of red wine while she tried hard to figure out what to do. When she drank the last of that bottle, she went to get another one and tried to open it with one hand while she held her phone with the other. She was sending another voice message to Tobias.

“Hey, Tobi. I’m sorry I keep sending you enigmatic messages. This must be, what? Probably the fourth already. But don’t worry, ok? I’ll explain everything to you in person. I just don’t want to talk about this over the phone, you’ll be worried as fuck, I know you. Well, you’re probably worried right now, aren’t you? God, I’m sorry. Jesus, have you ever tried to open a bottle of wine with only one hand? Let me tell you, it’s impossible! Hold on a second.”

She dropped the phone to work with both hands and, with her glass full, started another message.

“All right, all better now. Ok, so, the thing is I’ve realized I made a terrible mistake by staying here. Seriously, what was I thinking? I should have listened to you all along. Anyway, now I… I think I’m going, Tobi. I was thinking about our nights together and how you would always sleep on that armchair. God, I hated when you did that. Do you still have that chair? We spilled wine over it once, remember? We never managed to get the stain off. Ah, but I bet you still sleep there and wake up feeling like shit, because no one’s there to take care of you. I want to be there, Tobi. I want to see your new place, I want to cook dinner with you and have breakfast together. I want us to be us again,” she sighed and drank from her glass. “You know what? Fuck it, I’m going. Do you think I can still get a ticket for tomorrow? I won’t be in time for the concert in Karlsruhe, of course, but I can meet you in town. What do you think? Right, I’ll try to buy a ticket. I’ll call you later, okay? Or you call me when you get up and hear this. Fuck, Tobi, we’re doing this! I love you!”

As it turned out, she managed to get a ticket on the last flight the following day. It would give her enough time to pack whatever she could carry and say goodbye to the ones she cared about. She had thought about calling some people to give them the news, but she didn’t want them to think her decision had anything to do with the amount of alcohol she had in her body at that moment. Cam, for example, wouldn’t like that at all. Kelly imagined Jared would hate it as well. And, of course, there was the elephant in the room. She didn’t even want to think about him until she absolutely had to. And she was too happy for that; she had made her decision, everything would fall into place eventually, that’s how it always was.

A hundred percent sure of herself, Kelly decided to finish that second bottle of wine before going to bed. She needed a sedative to sleep that night anyway. So, she changed into her pajamas, put on Breakfast at Tiffany’s and enjoyed her last night as the house the best she could.

Kelly had already had so many “last nights” that she didn’t make a big deal out of them anymore. Ever since she moved to Germany for the first time, things in her life started happening way too fast for her to process and over analyze. She was used to the fact that everything was moving around her, things were always temporary: jobs, money, addresses, and most people linked to those things. There was the need to hold on to some people, and from that she got incredible friends, like Cam, Jared, Felix and Tobias himself. She also had made huge mistakes, like Shannon was proving to be. But it was okay, it was just another change that needed to be made. One day she would be satisfied and happy to settle down and stay still in one place, probably with Tobias. Until then, she would keep on moving whenever it was necessary.

Holly was about to move to Brazil when a car pulled up on Kelly’s driveway. By then she was too drunk to notice the noise, so she jumped when the doorbell rang once and then twice, impatiently.

Kelly had to wait to regain her balance after getting up, which made the doorbell ring again, once, twice, three times.

“I’m coming!” She yelled at the door, already pretty sure of whom it was. But what was he doing there? Could he have known she had bought the plane ticket? What did he want with her at that hour?

Shannon was drunker than she was, and it took her a great amount of kindness to let him in.

“Weren’t you out with Kirstina?” Kelly crossed her arms and leaned against the door, closing it. “What are you doing here?”

“I sent her away,” he mumbled, looking around. “I needed to see you.”

It took Kelly just some microseconds to imagine what would happen if she sent him on his way like he was. He would probably cause an accident, it was a miracle that he had gotten to her house in one piece.

“I really don’t want to do this right now,” she whispered to herself before taking a big breath and walking to where he was leaning against the wall. “What did you have?” She grabbed his shoulders and put his arms around her, guiding him to the guest bathroom.

“Only some cocktails,” he mumbled back. It was almost impossible to understand him. Kelly knew him well enough to know that that wasn’t the product of just some cocktails, but she didn’t say anything.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, you’re smelling like shit.” She sat him on a stool in the bathroom while she turned on the cold water. She thought she was hearing him sobbing, but she chose to ignore that. “Can you take your clothes off?” He started to grin and she continued, “I’m not doing it for you, if that’s what you’re smiling about. Either you do it or I’ll put you under the water with clothes and all.” She opened the medicine cabinet and got everything that he might want to use if he saw it. When she finished it he was still sitting there, picking at the bracelet on his wrist. “Shannon!” She yelled.

“I can do it, it’s fine.”

“Right. I’ll get a clean towel for you, I’ll be right back.”

Kelly wanted to cry. She felt so alert that it was like she hadn’t had anything to drink herself. “This is the last time,” she said to the closet in the guest room, “hold on, it’s the last time.” When she went back to the bathroom, Shannon was naked sitting inside the bathtub, his legs bent and his arms resting on his knees. His head was hung low, the water falling directly on his neck. He was crying and he didn’t see her standing there. Suddenly she felt so sorry for him that she felt her eyes filling up as well.

He looked at her when she cleared her throat and she smiled as a reflex. “I’ll leave your towel here”, she put it on the stool. “Clean up, ok? I’ll make some coffee for us and we’ll talk.” He nodded and she almost ran out of the bathroom, tears streaming down her cheeks. She had to call someone, let them know Shannon was okay, but she had to breathe first.

The backyard was quiet and the sky was clear enough. Kelly sat on the bench that Shannon himself had made for her years before. And she cried and screamed until she felt better and a dog started barking down the street. Sobbing, she called Emma and told her what had happened. She also told her about Germany and that someone would have to keep an eye on Shannon from the following day on. It was fine, Emma didn’t have to come get him, Kelly would make sure he went to breakfast with Jared and Constance in the morning.

Felling better, Kelly went back to the kitchen and made some coffee. She also had ice cream pie somewhere in her freezer, which she was putting on the table when Shannon showed up.

“How is your head?” She asked him, trying to avoid his swollen eyes and well aware that hers looked the same.

“Pounding,” she growled and sat at the table.

“You’ll be fine,” she poured the coffee into two mugs and sat down in front of him.

After a few moments of sipping their coffee in silence and avoiding each other’s gaze, Shannon sighed.

“How did we get here?”

“You tell me.”

“I couldn’t. But I am really sorry,” he shrugged, “and ashamed, if it counts for anything.”

“It does,” Kelly granted, “but that’s not enough anymore.”

“I know.” He cut two pieces of the pie and gave her one. “I just wanted you to know that I love you and I can’t stop.”

“Shannon…”

“It’s so ironic,” he scoffed, “that I have so many problems with drugs and shit, but you are the biggest addiction of all.”

Kelly dropped her fork with a bang and buried her head on her hands, but he continued.

“I can’t forget you, you are always on the back of my mind. Even when I’m fucking other girls, as different from you as they can be, I look at them and I see you.”

“Stop, stop, stop!” Kelly got up to distance herself from him. “Are you listening to yourself?

“Whatever happens to me now, Kelly,” he struggled to get on his feet and walk towards her. “It’s your fault, it’s your responsibility.”

“Listen to yourself, Shannon,” she screamed, “stop being so pathetic!” Walking away from him once more, she continued. “I’ll make it really easy for you to forget me. Forget March, I’m going to Germany tomorrow.”

“What?” He sat down again, as if she had physically hurt him. “Of course you’re not.”

“Already bought the ticket,” she crossed her arms and kept her distance. “I’m flying out tomorrow.”

“For the holidays,” he seemed confused.

“Not only for the holidays, forever.”

“You’re not coming back?”

“Maybe to get the rest of my things. Maybe.”

He was speechless for a long time, starring at the floor. When he spoke next, his voice was incredibly calm and sober. “Is there anything I can do to stop you?” She shook her head. “That’s it then.”

“Yeah,” Kelly ended. “You know your way around the house, if you want to spend the night. I’d rather you did, you’re not in any condition to be going out. But do as you please, I honestly think I don’t care anymore.” She put the pie back in the freezer and threw the dishes in the sink. “Just make sure you wake up in time to have breakfast with your family tomorrow, okay? And, please, don’t go into my bedroom. I’m exhausted, I need to sleep.”

She left him at the table and locked herself in her room. She was so tired that she didn’t realize she had left her phone on the kitchen counter.

Kelly slept as soon as her head hit the pillow.


	20. Part XX

The alarm went off and he hit snooze without even thinking about it. Ten minutes later he reconsidered, but not enough to open his eyes. Third time, however, was the charm, and Tobias slowly opened his eyes to the dim sunlight peeking through his curtains. His first thought was that he had a show that night, so he had to get ready to meet the boys to travel in… two hours. Great, he would still have time left to talk to Kelly, if she was awake.

He checked his phone and saw five voice messages from Kelly. Smiling already, imagining what she could possibly have found as a topic for that monologue, he went to the bathroom and made some coffee before going back under the blankets to listen to the recordings.

Kelly never ceased to amaze him; from the day they’d met, he had been thrown away by her independence and the way she faced life. And whenever he thought he had her figured out, she surprised him completely. He remembered one time they had a family dinner at his parents’ house and his sister and mother started asking when they were going to get married and have children, because they had been together for a long time already and it was time for them to think about these things. Kelly had felt trapped, and it took him days to convince her that he had been just as shocked as she had. She stated loud and clear that she didn’t want to have kids and they argued about it over a week. A month later, however, he found her buried in her armchair, covered with blankets, drinking coffee and browsing through baby room decoration ideas on her laptop.

“Really?” He asked her over her shoulder.

“They are cute, aren’t they? We can’t do this in this house, though. We would have to move to a bigger one. What do you think about James? It’s a good name for a boy, I guess. It’s a strong name and a nice Harry Potter reference. James Sammet…” He took the coffee and the laptop from her and kneeled to look her in the eyes.

“Baby, are you pregnant?”

Her smile then had been delightful, one of the things he was sure he would never forget.

“Of course not, I’m just considering the idea.”

That was how Kelly worked, and he was fascinated by her ways. She was never boring, it was impossible to get tired of her. He could only imagine what she saw on him that she liked so much, to the point of wanting to have a family together. Whatever it was, he was the luckiest guy on the planet for managing to get her back.

And there she was, saying she was going to fly home that same day. He almost jumped out of bed with excitement, he needed to know if she had gotten the ticket or not. His head was already spinning trying to figure out where they could meet. He had no idea if she was still sleeping or not, but he called her anyway.

He just wasn’t ready to hear a hoarse male voice answering her phone.

“Hello?”

Tobias stopped on his tracks.

“I’m sorry, who is this?”

“It’s Shannon,” he cleared his throat. “Who are you?”

“Tobias.” There was complete silence on the other side. “Look, could you get Kelly, please? I really need to talk to her.”

“Kelly?” Shannon scoffed. “She’s passed out next to me, do you really want me to wake her?”

“She’s what?” Tobias could feel his heart pounding on his chest.

“Yeah, man, you know what I mean. She is not that young anymore, she doesn’t hold her liquor as much as she used to.”

“What did you do to her? What are you talking about?”

Shannon took his time laughing. “Dude, you should be more interested on what she did to me, since you’ll be getting some of that in a while. I mean, she was a porn start tonight!”

“What the fuck?!” Tobias yelled. “Are you out of your mind?”

“Whatever, man. I can still make her cum for me, don’t forget that.” He hung up before Tobias had any chance to react.


	21. Part XXI

When Kelly woke up, only five hours after going to bed, Shannon had already left. She found a note on the kitchen counter where he asked her to wait at least until the afternoon before telling Jared she was leaving, thanked her for letting him sleep there, and said he was going to ask his lawyers to get in touch with her about her contract. That was it. That was his goodbye. He didn’t even say he was sorry.

“Why do I care so much about a complete jerk?” She let out later in the morning, getting a pile of t-shirts from Jeremy’s hands and putting it in the suitcase. Kelly knew both Cam and Jared were going to be pissed when they heard the news, so she decided not to tell them. Instead, she called Jeremy, an old friend. Actually, he had been one of the reasons why she started to date Shannon, and Shannon had been the reason why she had to distance herself from him. Jeremy knew all about her life, and he had always said she would be happier if she went back to Tobias. Even before that was an option.

“At least now you acknowledge him as a jerk,” he replied, making sure her closet was empty. “I’m just dying to say ‘I told you so’.”

“Gloat away, it’s fine. You did kind of predict everything that is happening anyway.” She closed the zipper on her bags and sat crossed legged on the bed. She looked around the bedroom and smiled. “I’m going to miss this place, Remy.”

He sat in front of her. “I’ll be offended if you don’t. But I will take good care of the house for you.”

“And you will visit me in Germany, promise me that!” She hugged him when he said that he would.

“I’m really curious to meet Tobias.”

“God, you’ll love him. Speaking of him,” she checked her phone for what seemed to be the hundredth time in the past thirty minutes. “Why hasn’t he answered me yet?”

“How many times have you called?” Jeremy asked.

“Not many,” she admitted. “I don’t want to annoy him. Well, never mind.” She got up and put on a light jacket. “Take me to lunch, mister. Help me say goodbye to LA.”

\----------------------------------

“Did something happen to him?”

Felix sounded very busy, talking to a lot of people at the same time he was talking to her on the phone. “No, Kelz, he’s fine. He’s probably just nervous. But look, relax and have a save flight. Don’t worry about Tobi, he is too busy right now to be nice to anyone. But I will talk to him before we go on stage.”

“Thank you, Felix. Have fun tonight.”

Felix hung up and sighed, rubbing his temple. “I’m going to kill Tobi,” he mumbled, leaving the crowded backstage to look for his friend. Back in Los Angeles, Kelly put the phone inside her pocket and looked out the car window while they drove into the airport.

“Any luck?” Jeremy asked beside her. She shook her head and he smiled uncomfortable. “Well, I won’t tell anyone that you left before you give me the green light, so if this turns out to be a complete disaster, I’ll be the only one to know what happened.”

“You and Shannon,” she corrected.

“I can always kill him,” he shrugged, making her laugh.

Tobias was sitting on the steps of an isolated staircase that seemed to lead nowhere. He was far from everyone else, and, even though Felix knew that that was his intention, it didn’t stop him from going there and talking to him.

“Guess what?” Felix sat next to him.

“Not now, Felix.”

“One of my best friends is moving back to Germany, isn’t it great?” He insisted, but Tobias just stared at his feet in silence. “She is dating another one of my best friends, and apparently she told him that she is flying over today, but not only didn’t he tell me that, he is ignoring her phone calls and text messages. How crazy is that?”

“You don’t know the whole story, trust me.”

“You seem to be the only one who does, because Kelly has no idea what is happening.” He pushed, but his friend was quiet. “Do you mind telling me before I make room for her in my house?”

Tobias raised his head and started talking. “I called her this morning, as soon as I woke up and saw her messages.”

“That’s a good start. And… what happened?”

“That… fucking… idiot answered her phone.” Once he started he couldn’t stop, and Felix listened to everything with wide eyes. Tobias ran his hand through his hair and crossed his fingers above his knees, looking at Felix. “What am I supposed to do now?”

“No, you don’t actually think he was telling the truth?”

“Of course he wasn’t, I trust Kelly enough to know he was lying. But… he was there, close enough to answer her mobile phone. Don’t you think that means something?”

“Yeah, it means he is a lunatic and that she is putting an entire ocean between them. Tobi, she chose you, she is leaving part of her life behind and coming back for you. Can you imagine how terrified she is? Don’t make it harder on her, or she is going to think twice about staying. She needs you now more than ever.”

Felix was right and Tobias felt better just by talking to him. However, he wasn’t confident enough to call her, so he only sent her a text saying he would meet her in her apartment the following day.

Kelly got the text minutes before getting on the plane, and she didn’t know if that was a good or a bad thing. She only knew that that was going to be a very long and uncomfortable flight.


	22. Part XXII

The flat was just like Kelly remembered it, only it was empty. Her old furniture was still there, but not her personal belongings, the things that make a house feel like home. Kelly had rented the place to a middle-age couple for almost five years, but they had left the year before, when they got pregnant. She hadn’t felt like putting it up on the market again; it was her place, her home, and she had already started feeling like she was going to need it again.

What a fucking psychic I am, she mumbled while opening the curtains in the living room and removing the sheet that was covering the couch. She had checked all rooms and was pleased with everything. The place was intact, she would only have to clean it and give it her personal touch again.

Kelly was going through the kitchen cabinets trying to find coffee when Tobias knocked on the door.

“It’s open, come in,” she yelled, her muffled voice coming from inside one of the cabinets.

Tobias walked inside the flat and saw Kelly balancing herself on top of a stool. He ran to help her, but she dismissed him with a wave of her hand.

“I’m fine, I was just looking for coffee.” She said as she gave up, holding his shoulders to get down. “No luck,” she finished with a shrug.

“We can go get coffee down the street,” he mentioned casually while holding her waist and bringing her closer to him. “There is no need to worry about this now.” They both smiled as their mouths touched, and what started as a sweet kiss soon turned into something passionate and intense.

Out of breath, Kelly broke their contact, but kept her eyes closed, their foreheads still touching.

“Hi,” she whispered, running her hand through his hair and the side of his neck.

Tobias was alternating between grabbing her butt cheeks and trying to open her jeans. He lowered his lips to her clavicle, partially exposed by the scoop neck t-shirt she was wearing, and kissed the delicate skin in that area, sending shivers down her spine. As she grabbed his hair with one hand and his shoulder with another, he moved his lips up her neck, biting and licking until he got to her ear.

“Hi, baby.” He whispered, driving her insane.

Not wasting another second, Kelly got rid of her pants, which were half way down already, and started to work on his. She got on her knees as she lowered his jeans and underwear, and unconsciously ran her tongue through her lips at the sight of his cock. With her left hand she held his base and licked the tip of his head as her right hand slipped inside her panties. Touching herself as she sucked him, she started out slowly, circling her clit with her fingers and licking all the way through his length. Picking up the pace, she wrapped her mouth around his cock and started sucking and using her tongue, combining it with the movements of her fingers behind the lace. She looked up to see him throwing his head back, his eyes closed, his lips slightly parted. That stubble that he didn’t use to leave before covering his neck and chin, his Adam’s apple moving as he tried to speak:

“Kelz… I won’t last for too long…”

Seeing him like that was all she needed. She opened her legs a bit more and started to move her fingers even faster, ever matching the sucking and the touching. As she began to climax, she moaned with his cock inside her mouth, and that was it for him.

Moving fast, he put her on her feet and kneeled to lick her, changing their positions and making sure she would still come. Pushing her underwear to the side, he put her right leg around his shoulder and used his hands to hold her tights in place. She moaned as he finished her, biting her lips not to scream.

Tobias kissed the inner side of her tight as she tried to stand in her own two feet. With her head thrown back and her eyes still closed, she didn’t see as he got up and smiled at her. But she felt when he slipped his hands down her blouse, grabbing the skin of her waist and working his way up to her breasts. Kelly took off the t-shirt as Tobias undid her bra, both pieces of clothing dropping on the floor at the same time. She removed his sweatshirt as well and grinned, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him.

“I need to be inside you when I come,” he said kissing her and pinching her nipples, “I need to feel you around me.”

“I know…” she whispered inside his mouth, biting his lips as he scratched her back.

When he grabbed her butt again, she jumped and wrapped her legs around his waist, letting him carry her to the kitchen table and lay her there. They looked at each other for one second before he got inside her, Kelly`s hands instinctively searching for his while he thrust into her. Tobias held her wrists down and kissed her hungrily as she kept her legs tight around him.

“Tobi,” she moaned after a while. “Please… I can’t wait…”

He let go of her left wrist and put his hand between them, his thumb slightly touching her clit.

“Wait a little bit more, baby,” Tobias breathed out, nibbling her nipple. “Wait for me.”

However, he didn’t stop touching her clit. He actually rubbed against it harder as he felt her going over the edge.

“Tobias!” she yelled, grabbing her own hair with her free hand.

“It’s okay, Kelz…” his voice trembled as he felt he was getting closer himself. “Let go, baby.”

She did, and the feeling of her body trembling under him as her walls tightened around his cock was enough to finish him as well. He thrust against her spasms, filling her up with his orgasm as they both cried out each other`s names.

Breathing heavily, Tobias carried Kelly to the couch and laid there with her, kissing her nose and temple as she dozed off.

“What do you want to do today?” He asked, trying to keep her awake.

“Right now I just want to spend the rest of my life on this couch with you,” she mumbled resting her head on his chest.

Tobias chuckled and watched her fall asleep. A few minutes later he went to the bedroom and found a blanket in the closet. He lay next to her again and covered them with it, allowing himself to take a nap as well. They could talk about the incident with the phone later. In that moment, all was perfect.


	23. Part XXIII

The coffee shop where Kelly used to work when she lived in Fulda before didn’t exist anymore. It was now a Subway restaurant, close to the bus station and next to McDonald’s. Because the streets were all decorated for Christmas, they bought coffee from the burger place and started to walk around the city, waiting for the night to come. It was a good opportunity for her to see what had or hadn’t changed, and for them to talk.

“Felix told me you’re not living in the city anymore.”

“Yep. I’m up in Niesig now.”

“And you have your own basement…” she smiled.

“My man cave,” he agreed. “And that armchair you used to love,” he lowered his voice, stopping and looking at her. “It sounds creepy and weird, doesn’t it? But I just couldn’t give it or throw it away.”

Kelly grinned and kissed him. “Are you asking me to move in with you?”

“That was the plan, wasn’t it?”

“It was.” She continued to walk and he followed. “It is! I’m just not ready to give up the flat yet.” She turned to him when he didn’t say anything back. “Hey, I’m not saying I won’t move in together. I just need to think about the flat. I could probably turn it into an office. What do you think?”

“If you work for me you won’t need an office, Kelz.”

That wasn’t working very well and it wouldn’t get any better unless they talked about the big elephant in the room. Tobias knew it, and so did Kelly. It was her turn to stop and face him.

“What is it that is bothering you, Tobi?” He sighed and looked away, but she insisted. “Why did you ignore my calls yesterday?”

“We better sit down,” he turned around and gestured her to follow him to one of the tables on the sidewalk of Bahnhof street. Kelly could feel her heart pounding in her chest, but she tried not to show it. She sat across from him and waited until he was ready to talk. “The voice messages you sent me when you decided to come here,” he started and hesitated.

“What about them?”

“I called you as soon as I heard them.”

“No, no you didn’t,” she interrupted. “That was why I started to call you…”

“I did,” he blinked. “You don’t know about it because he answered your mobile phone.” He paused to make sure she understood. And then he added, “Shannon.”

Kelly widened her eyes. “That’s impossible. How could he have…?” And then she remembered. “Oh, shit, I left the phone in the kitchen.”

Tobias shrugged. “I don’t care how he did it. And I imagined you didn’t even know about this. But why was he there in the first place? He was in your house, wasn’t he? Why?”

Kelly was covering her mouth with her left hand and turning the cup around with her right. Now she understood Tobias’s behavior and she felt terrible, even though it wasn’t her fault.

“Kelz?” He touched her hand softly.

“I wanted to help him, Tobi,” she almost whispered. “He showed up at my door after I’d sent you the messages. He was completely drunk, I couldn’t just leave him there.”

“You could have called him a cab,” he suggested. “Or an Uber. Or his brother, I don’t know.”

“No, Tobi.” Her anger paralyzed her for a second, and she could feel the coffee burning in her stomach. “I mean, yes, I should have left him there. Called the cops, even. But…” She took a deep breath and held his hand firmly. “Look, you have to understand that we’ve been doing this dance back and forth for years, me and him. It turned into a habit, it was normal for us to fight during the day and for him to go look for me at night, after drinking his head off. Shannon is sick, he doesn’t understand that it’s over. That’s why he went there. And I couldn’t bring myself to call Jared and watch them fight again. For years now, I’m the one who’s been taking care of Shannon.”

“Well, not anymore!”

“I know, I know. But Jared doesn’t know I’m gone. I didn’t tell anyone yet. And I wasn’t going to tell him then, with his brother passed out in front of me. Anyway, I let Shannon in, I put him under the shower and tried to put some sense into his head. As always, it didn’t end well, we fought again, and I told him I was leaving.”

“Oh, Kelly.”

“He was furious. I locked myself in my room and went to bed, but I must have left my phone in the kitchen. That’s why he answered when you called. When I woke up he was already gone.”

Tobias dragged his chair next to hers and put one arm around her shoulders, placing a kiss on her cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m the one who's sorry. I can’t imagine the things he said to you…”

“Yeah, you better don’t,” he chuckled. “Let’s just forget about all this, he’s not worth it and he is not your problem anymore. Let’s just focus on the future we have ahead of us.”

“Is there a giant burger anywhere in this future?”

“With chili fries and beer. Why do you think we stopped here?”

She was laughing when he called the waiter. After they placed their orders, Kelly leaned on his shoulder and kissed his neck. “It’s all about us now,” she whispered.

After eating, they headed back to the flat, put her bags in his car, which was parked on the street, and drove to his house. Christmas was a couple of days away, and the Sammets always had a big celebration. Kelly knew she had to start getting ready for her “come back” into their closed clan, so she forced herself to focus her energy on that. Afraid as she was of his mother, that wasn’t such an easy thing to ignore.

Kelly wanted to move in with Tobias, she never thought about doing other thing, but she also wanted to keep the flat. She had been thinking about what to do next regarding work, and she was uncertain about which path to take. Having been raised in a traditional family, deep down Kelly had always believed that being successful was having a solid and stable career, which was something she never managed to build for herself. She went against everything her mother wanted for her: rejected the family money, dropped college, fled to Germany to become a waitress, ended up travelling the world with a heavy metal band, turned her back to everything when things were growing, went to Los Angeles to work for another band and start a coffee company, and when business seemed to be going somewhere, dropped it all to go back to Germany.

But a normal job would kill her, and she was well aware of that.

Kelly didn’t know what she wanted to do, but she knew she wanted to be her own boss. She had enough money to get some time off and think about her options. In reality, anything was an option to her. It was exciting knowing that she could do whatever she wanted, that was what she liked most about living. She would never give that up for a boring 9 to 5 routine.

That night, before going to bed with Tobias, she called Jeremy, thanked him for everything and told him everything was fine. She also texted Cam, Jared and Emma. All texts started the same way: “Don’t freak out. Remember I am adorable and that you love me no matter what.” She turned off her phone and went to bed. The following morning would surely be adventurous.


	24. Part XXIV

Tobias woke up on Christmas Eve to find that Kelly wasn’t next to him. He went to the kitchen downstairs, and smelled the coffee that she had prepared and left untouched. He was about to search the other rooms when he heard her yelling outside.

“No, you’re not listening to me! I’m not saying it’s your fault!”

Kelly was pacing the floorboards on the little balcony beyond the kitchen, clutching on her phone and gesticulating while she argued with someone, seemingly unaware of the freezing temperature. She smiled at him when Tobias put a blanket around her shoulders and led her inside without a word.

“Oh, please, Jared, don’t act like you’re stupid. We both know you’re not.” Tobias sat her on the couch and covered her with another blanket. “Because I knew you would react like this!” He went back to the kitchen to make her a new cup of coffee, since the other was already cold. While he waited for the coffee machine, he leaned against the table and rested his head on his hands, watching her. “What bothers you so much anyway? The fact that I didn’t tell you I was leaving or the fact that I won’t be there anymore to take care of him?” Kelly closed her eyes and shook her head, “yeah, I thought so… No, don’t be sorry. I would do the same if I were you… Please, just listen to me, he needs professional help. I can’t help him, neither can Emma, so don’t drop this on her. You have to step up, Jay, you and your mom.”

Tobias gave her the steaming mug and kissed her forehead, going back to the kitchen to prepare the rest of their breakfast. Her discussion reminded him he had to call his family to let them know she was back and going to dinner with him that night. It was short notice, but he hoped that wouldn’t be a problem.

Kelly sat at the table wrapped in the blankets. Tobias was speaking in German on the phone, something she couldn`t understand. She carefully placed her phone next to her plate and started to nibble at the pancakes, glancing at the screen from time to time.

“Sorry, that was Michi,” Tobias hung up and smiled. “He is excited to see you tonight.”

Kelly raised her eyes from the plate and she looked like she was about to throw up. “Your brother, Michi? Oh my God, I’m going to meet your family tonight!”

“Oh, darling, no! It’s okay.” Tobias held her hand, half alarmed, half amused by her reaction. “You know what? I think we should stop looking at this for a while,” he reached and took her phone away. “Much better, huh? Now, I will give you five minutes to tell me what happened and why on Earth you were freezing outside.”

“Tobi-“

“Five minutes!”

Kelly gave in and grinned. “I don’t need all that. It was Jared, and Cam before him.”

“And?”

“Well, I think they need some time to get used to the idea.” She shrugged and sipped her coffee. “I’m sorry about all the fuzz. You’ve been so incredibly patient during all this…”

“Don’t worry,” he smiled.

“And you even made pancakes!” Kelly leaned forward and kissed him. “I love you, Tobias.”

“I know,” he smirked. “But you still have to go tonight.”

Kelly dropped back into the chair and sighed. “At least Michi will be pleased to see me.”

“Don’t be unfair, Katja always asks about you. And Roman adores you.”

“He did. Last time I saw him he was five years old. He probably doesn’t remember me.”

“He does, trust me.” Tobias got up to put his plate and mug in the sink, kissing the top of her head as he did. “Try not to be so hard on my mom and Nicole. Things changed a lot after my dad died. I think they will be really happy to see you, because they know how much you mean to me. And, believe it or not, they actually want to see me happy.”

She suddenly felt very stupid. Tobias’s father had passed away the year before, just around Christmas. Felix had mentioned it to her at the time, but she had been so involved with her own problems over the year, and specially the last month, that she had forgotten all about it.

“I’m such an idiot,” she said under her breath. “It’s been a year, hasn’t it? I’m sorry.” The sound of the chair being dragged to the side when she got up echoed in the silent kitchen and seemed to last forever while they held each other tightly.

“It’s okay,” he murmured after long seconds. “The old bastard lived well.”

“I wish I’d been here with you.”

“You can make up for it by being very patient tonight,” Tobias smiled. “And maybe turning off your phone?”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Good. They might even speak English with you,” he smirked and kissed her on the cheek.

Language had never been a problem for Kelly and Tobias, since both could speak English, but her constant struggle to learn German had turned into a joke among their friends. Kelly didn’t mind and was always the first one to make fun of herself, but his family didn’t find the joke that amusing. Michael’s little clan didn’t mind, but the others found it preposterous that, on top of not being a responsible and respectable lady, she wasn’t able to speak their language.


	25. Part XXV

“So, Kelly, how does it feel to be back?”

Dinner had gone reasonably well with everyone trying to be the most polite they could. Tobias’s mother and sister were treating Kelly like she was really part of the family, but that wasn’t their natural behavior towards her, which made it all seem weird. It was, however, better than fighting. So all was good.

Kelly, Katja and Michi were having wine in the living room while Tobias was playing videogames with Roman in the next room and the other women were in the kitchen.

Katja had always been nice to her, and Kelly could sense a tone of genuine interest in her question.

“It feels great to be with Tobi again,” she smiled. “I don’t want to sound cheesy, but I’d be happy with him anywhere, really.”

“I understand you were managing a coffee business in Los Angeles. Is that right?” Michi asked.

“Kind of. There won’t be a physical shop, only the online store. And it won’t be just coffee, they will sell t-shirts, mugs and other products besides the beans. Of course the beans will be the main thing. We want it to be the focus. We were very careful choosing the blends, it took us forever to get to the point we wanted, but I think it was all worth it.”

“I’m sorry, I thought you had left the company before coming here.”

“Oh, I did.”

“It was just… You were talking as if you were still involved with it.”

Kelly sighed. “I was, wasn’t I? Well, I’ve literally helped planting the first beans, so I guess I was too involved. The whole thing meant a lot to me.”

“I’m sorry to ask,” Katja looked around to make sure they were alone, “isn’t that your ex… hum… ex-boyfriend’s company?”

“It is,” Kelly looked at her glass, feeling awkward. “I was his partner and manager. Anyways, Black Fuel – that’s the name of the company, - will launch in March, on Shannon’s birthday. And I don’t really have anything to do with it anymore.”

“This is a nice touch, using his birthday as promotion,” Michi added.

“It sounds like he thinks too highly of himself,” Kelly laughed. “Which is not exactly true. It was my idea. His fans are way too obsessed – they’re not like Tobi’s fans, so… I don’t know. I think it will work for the company.”

“Weren’t you his PA before?”

“Katja!” Michi shouted.

“No, Michi. Please, it’s okay.” Kelly assured him. “Yes, I was his PA.” She thought about it a little bit more, but she didn’t have anything to add to that, so she just shrugged. “But I’m not anymore.”

“And what are you planning to do regarding work, Kelly?” Michi tried to take the subject away from Shannon. “Have you applied to anything yet?”

“Oh, Michi, she just got here, she didn’t have time to think about this.” Kelly nodded, indicating that Katja was right. “Look,” she sat on the edge of her seat. “Do you still have that flat in the city?”

“Yes! Tobi and I were talking about it, I’m not really sure what I’m going to do with it.”

“Listen, I own a decoration company. Mostly we do decorations for parties and events, but for a while now we have been doing some interior design as well. It’s not our main service yet, but it has been growing fast. And I’m going crazy having to organize all the projects by myself! Besides, my office is turning into a deposit of fabrics, samples, drawings, paintings… I need more space and I need someone to help me. What do you say I rent your flat, we make it our new office and you come to work as my assistant?”

“Wow!”

“Of course I don’t expect an answer right now. You can take some time to think about it.”

Michi was looking at her from behind his wife, his lips slightly curled up in a smile. Kelly could tell they had discussed that proposal before going there, and that made her really happy.

“No! I mean, yes! I don’t need to think about it, my answer is yes!” She grinned.

“Are you sure, Kelly?” Michi asked in a serious tone. “We are not Hollywood famous, there won’t be any red carpet with hysterical girls screaming to Katja.”

“Although that would be fun!” His wife laughed.

“Yes, I’m sure!” Kelly promised. “Really. I’ve had enough burning hills for a lifetime.”

“Perfect!” Katja got up. “It’s decided then. I’ll call you on Wednesday to work out the details.” She turned to her husband. “I will check on Roman. Oh, and I think your mother is calling you from the kitchen.”

She wasn’t, but Michi got the message and went there anyway, leaving Kelly alone for a few seconds, before Tobias walked in.

“I can’t play Fifa to save my life,” he sat next to her and pulled her in for a hug. “So, how was your talk with Katja?”

“You knew, didn’t you?” Kelly accused.

“About what?” Tobias tried to pretend he was innocent, but started laughing halfway through his question.

“I swear, this isn’t Hollywood, but you people could easily run for an Oscar!” She hugged him laughing. “Thanks, Tobi.”

“Merry Christmas, Kelly.”


	26. Part XXVI

End of January, 2015

The Holidays were over in the blink of an eye, the new year started and Kelly began to work for Katja. The job wasn’t hard; after working for the Letos, she didn’t think she would ever find a harder job. Turning the flat into an office had been fun, Katja really knew what she was doing with her decorations – she had good taste, and Kelly was glad they agreed on almost everything. 

Life in Germany wasn’t nearly as crazy and impulsive as it was in Los Angeles: there was a routine to be followed, Kelly could count on things to be expected. And the best part was being able to go out on the street with Tobias with no fear of being recognized. And even if that happened, they didn’t mind. She was surprised with how fast she got used to that quiet life. It was funny to talk to her friends in LA – she thought she could hear show business in their voices.

That afternoon, Katja had left early to go pick Roman up at school. Kelly stayed in to finish some reservations she was doing for a big wedding that was coming up. It didn’t take her long, and soon she was also leaving to go back home. She was at the door when her phone rang. It was Jared.

“Hello, weirdo,” she answered smiling.

“How are you?” 

“I’m very good, thank you. I saw you at the SAG Awards this weekend.”

“Did you?”

“You need to shave.”

“I will. Very soon. I just want to enjoy it a little bit longer before I have to change.”

“Oh. There’s that. Will it be green, green? Like super green?”

He chuckled. “I’ll show you when it’s done.”

“So…” She sat on the nearest chair. “How are things over there?”

“Shannon is good.”

“Oh, Jared, I’m not asking about him.”

“Of course you’re not. But I’m telling you anyway. In case you get curious later.”

Kelly sighed. “Is he, really?”

“I don’t… It’s hard to say, Kelly. We went to Colorado earlier this month and he seemed to be fine most of the time. He took that stupid girl with us, so… I don’t know. He looked like he was having fun with her. But sometimes, when he was alone, he changed. And he knows I’m still talking to you, so I don’t know if he resents me for that or what. It’s not that I want you to feel bad, but I think you are the only one who really speaks his language, you know? I can’t, it’s like I can’t reach him anymore. And it’s not only me, he started to treat everyone differently after you left.”

“And what do you want me to do?”

“Nothing, I’m just saying. I don’t know if he is having mood swings or just faking it.”

“Either way, Jared, you will have to deal with him on your own. I’m not going back because he’s acting out.” She waited, but he didn’t answer. “Do you know if he’s taking anything?”

“I don’t think he is, but I’m not with him all the time.”

“Well, you know his symptoms. Call me if you notice anything.”

“Really?”

“Sure. Just don’t ask me to go back.”

“Yeah, all but that.”

They talked for fifteen minutes more and then said goodbye. Kelly was still in the same position when Tobias called to see if she was having dinner at home. She said she was, that she had just stayed behind to finish some work and lost track of time.

She left the office and forced Shannon out of her mind on her way home.


	27. Part XXVII

End of February, 2015

It was cold. Tobias kept saying that the worst was over, but Kelly couldn’t believe that – she had to drink an extra cup of coffee every morning just to leave the house. “It’s liquid courage, you should be glad there’s no alcohol in it,” she said once when he asked her why they were running out of coffee so fast. It wasn’t her fault that the house was so cozy and warm compared to what was outside.

That night they were going to celebrate Edguy’s 23rd anniversary at a pub in town, Kelly was ecstatic that she was going to see Felix again. She liked all the boys, but Felix had always had a special place in her heart. He was one of the very few people she knew she could count on for anything, and would always have her back. Plus, she had been there for two months already, and for some reason they hadn’t met during that time.

She hadn’t seen Tobias that morning – for some weeks now he had been working until late down in his basement, which meant he also slept until late everyday. But on the previous night they had agreed he was going to pick her up at the office in the evening so they could go to the pub. Katja always had to pick Roman up from school – Kelly would do that whenever her boss couldn’t, - so by 5:30 Kelly was alone, waiting for Tobias. She was already preparing to leave when her phone buzzed on the table, but it wasn’t Tobi.

“Oh my god, she’s so beautiful!” Kelly whispered to the empty office when she saw the photo Cam had sent her.

Cam told Kelly to talk to him if he tried to get in touch with her, but Kelly didn’t find it in her to answer. She didn’t think she had the strength to argue about that anymore. Tobias noticed she wasn’t very excited when she got in the car, but she told him she was just a little bit tired. She thought she wouldn’t have fun at the pub, but she actually did. At least enough to forget about Shannon for a while. However, when they got home and were getting ready for bed, Kelly checked her messages while Tobias was in the bathroom. For a second she thought she was going to see the burger and all the beers she had to drink on the floor.

As a reflex, she turned her phone off and jumped into bed. Tobias was soon by her side, holding her safe, and it was really good to have him in bed next to her after the past days, and especially that night. Still, Kelly didn’t sleep at all.


	28. Part XXVIII

May, 9th – 2015

Spring was quickly turning into summer. The weather was nothing like it was back in LA, and Kelly soon realized how easily she had forgotten about it. Because she was always traveling with Edguy back in the days, she never really got the chance to get used to all the German seasons. She had had a pretty big work load after winter was over; apparently Germans were also big fans of getting married during the spring. She had loved it, because it had kept her mind well occupied – there was no room, no time to think about things that were better off left alone. The downside of all the work was that she was getting sick all the time. _It’s probably just allergies, or the flu, I’m fine!_ She kept telling Tobias and Katja. When May started, however, she got really sick and had to stay in the office, coordinating the events from there, while Katja did the work at the venues.

“That’s it, Missy. You go home and you rest this weekend. I don’t want to see your face here on Monday if you are still feeling bad.” Katja was sweet, but bossy enough so that Kelly knew she should do just that. “I admire your dedication, Kelly, but this…”

“This isn’t Los Angeles, I know,” she tried to smile, but started to sneeze.

“Right. Here you can calm down and breathe a little.” Katja handed her a box of tissues. “Now go home. Don’t hesitate if you need to go to the hospital, but call me and let me know. I’ll talk to Michi and he will make sure you get a nice room.”

“Oh my god, no!” She laughed. “I’m sure I won’t need to go to the hospital. But thanks, anyway.”

Tobias had been happy to have Kelly home and sick – it was a good opportunity for him to take care of her and force her to stay in bed, quiet and resting. Kelly did have a problem with resting, even when she didn’t have work, she would find something to do to keep her busy. So he cooked for her when she got home, and made sure she was comfortably tucked in bed with everything she needed at hand.

Saturday morning, however, Kelly woke up feeling worse. Tobias used to wake up late, since he would always work until late, but she was an early riser. So he knew something was off when he opened his eyes that morning and she was still sleeping by his side. The room was dark with the curtains shut, but his bedside watch informed him it was thirteen past eleven. He turned one of the lamps on – he didn’t want to let the sunlight get onto her face – and woke her up gently. She grumbled a little, but opened her eyes when she noticed the room was still dark.

“What time is it?” She whispered.

“It’s already eleven fifteen.” Tobias stroked her hair and felt her temperature on her forehead.

“I’m sorry I overslept,” she mumbled, wrapping the blanket tighter around her body. “What’s wrong with the heater?”

“The heater is fine, baby. I think you have a fever.”

Kelly shook her head and tried to push herself into a sitting position. She felt like her head was about to fall off.

“No,” she held her head and closed her eyes. “I can’t have a fever.”

“Well, you do,” he laughed. “No excuses now, you will stay in bed all day, take your pills at the right time, drink plenty of water and rest.”

Kelly sighed and leaned back on the pillow. “Don’t you have that thing with Sascha today?”

“Yes, after lunch.” He looked worried. “Do you want me to cancel so I can stay here with you?”

“Of course not! You go, I’ll be fine.”

So he went out a couple of hours later, leaving Kelly watching TV in bed.

* * *

It was almost 7 pm when her cellphone woke her up from a nap.

“Hallo?” Kelly answered, still half asleep.

“Wow, you answer your phone in German now?”

His voice had the same effect a bucket of ice, cold water would have: Kelly was suddenly awake, feeling her heart racing.

“What do you want?” She hated that her voice was giving away how sick she was.

“I just want to talk.”

“I have nothing to say to you. And I’m pretty sure I don’t want to hear anything you have to say, so…”

“Please, don’t hang up.” Shannon asked, sounding serious and sober.

She didn’t, but she didn’t say anything either.

“Why didn’t you answer me about the lunchbox?”

“Is this really what you want to talk about?”

“How are you?”

“Shannon…”

“Kelly, please… just talk to me!” He raised his voice.

“About what?!”

“Anything! Tell me about Germany, does it snow where you’re living? What have you been up to? Are you working? You are sick.. how did you get sick? Any new show you like on TV?” He stopped talking and she noticed he was panting.

“Don’t do this, Shan.” She spoke after a few seconds. “We are not friends anymore.”

“Why can’t we be?”

“Oh God,” Kelly sighed. “Are you listening to yourself? C’mon, Shannon, you are not like this, you don’t suffer for the girl. Remember? You taught me not to suffer. What was it? One of the first things you ever said to me?”

“I don’t…”

“You move on. You don’t look back, you just move on. That’s what you said.”

“And you learned that pretty well, huh?”

Again, Kelly didn’t answer. After long seconds in silence, he added: “I’m in Paris. I’m one train away from you, or something like that. Maybe that’s why I called.”

“Forget it. Go out, go enjoy the city… just don’t do anything stupid.”

“Yeah,” he snorted. “’Cause there’s no one around to clean up after me now, right?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just move on.”

“I’m sorry, Shannon.”

“Me too.” He hung up, and Kelly really thought she would never hear from him again.


	29. Part XXIX

July 30th – 2015

Credits were rolling after the end of Back to the Future, but the TV was muted. They had stopped watching the movie halfway through it, and now they were just making out on the couch. That was usually what happened when they decided to watch an old film, even if it was a classic. Seven months back together, and everything was like new for Kelly and Tobias. Between her job with his sister-in-law and his writing for the new Avantasia album, they had been a little to busy to enjoy themselves at first, but now they had finally fallen into a good couple routine.

However, everyday was a little surprise, and Thursday night this week had turned into movie night, which meant make out sessions in the living room before doing the actual thing in the bedroom. Kelly knew Tobias would wait until she was asleep before going back to work, as that was just fine by her. She would even make him company if she didn’t have to wake up early the next day. She was happy and comfortable with their life, it seemed like everything finally fit in the right place.

He grunted when her cellphone started buzzing on the side table by their head. “Just ignore it,” he said as his hand played with her breasts under her shirt.

“It may be Katja,” she responded kissing his neck and feeling the table behind her head, trying to get the phone.

Tobias grabbed her hand and brought it back to his crotch. “Katja can wait till tomorrow,” he declared and covered her mouth with his. Kelly thought about fighting him on that, but the buzzing stopped as soon as she raised her hand again. Smiling his “I told you so” smile, Tobias started to unbutton her pants, and he was about to slide her panties down over her hips when the buzzing started again. “Fuck, does she even know what time it is?”

Without even looking at the screen, Tobias unlocked the phone while putting it close to his ear. “Scheiße, Katja! Es ist 10 Uhr, haben sie nicht Besseres zu tun?”

Kelly didn’t try too hard to stop him, and was giggling under his weight when she watched his smile turn sour. “What happened?” She asked, pushing herself up on the couch.

“Just one moment,” he said to the caller almost at the same time. He was furious when he gave her the phone, disappearing into the kitchen without looking back. She was so sure it was Shannon that she didn’t even bother to check the caller ID.

“Why are you calling?” She sighed, but the voice she heard in return wasn’t Shannon’s, although it was pretty close.

“I don’t have time for you bullshit, Kelly!” Jared yelled. “I don’t care if or what I’m interrupting, get you ass back to Los Angeles immediately!”

“Jared, calm down and tell me what happened.” She crossed her legs under her body and tried to look into the kitchen to find Tobias.

“He’s at the hospital, and it’s all your fault,” his voice was starting to give in, and Kelly thought she heard Emma next to him. “You come back, you come back right now and you fix him, or I’ll never forgive you for this.”

So it was Shannon. Kelly felt the usual lump on her throat whenever he was involved, and her stomach starting to turn. She swallowed hard and tried again. “Jared, please, tell me what happened.”

“Come back, Kelly.” Jared hung up.

“Jesus Christ, what now?” Her fingers were shaking as she tried to find Emma’s number. Kelly knew Jared was pretty much irrational when it came to his brother, but she had never seen him like that before. “Emma, thank god,” she cried when her friend answered.

“Wait,” she said and Kelly could hear her calming Jared down. Tobias showed up at the doorway just as Emma was telling Jared to stay put, that she was going to talk to the doctors. “Hey,” she addressed Kelly. “I’ve got bad news, love.”

“What did he do, Emma? Why are you at the hospital?” Kelly could feel her heart racing, she knew she wouldn’t be able to keep holding those tears down much longer.

“I don’t know much myself yet,” Emma answered, she sounded like she was walking through hallways, looking for someone who could help her. “All I know is Jared got back from Canada this morning, and, God knows why, he decided to go to Shannon’s first thing.” The sound of her heals clicking stopped. “He found Shan in his living room, with a bunch of empty medicine bottles and vodka near him.”

“Oh God,” Kelly covered her mouth with her hand and felt like the floor had disappeared under her feet. If she were standing, she would have probably fallen down. That’s when Tobias realized, whatever it was, it was really serious. He sat next to her and put his arm over her shoulders, waiting. “How… how is he?” She was almost too afraid to ask.

“I don’t know,” Emma admitted and she sounded distressed herself. “He was alive when they brought him in, I’m trying to find someone to give us an update, but I can’t find a single damn doctor in this bloody place!” She yelled.

“Calm down,” Kelly forced herself to think, “you have to keep your cool for Jared.”

“I know! Oh, fuck, I could really use you here right now, Kelz.”

She realized she was crying and wiped the tears from her cheeks, rocking back and forth, trying to clear her mind. “I’ll be on the first fly out, but I will only get there tomorrow evening.”

“Yeah, no problem, that’s perfect. It will give Jared time to cool off.”

“Ems?”

“Yeah.”

Kelly didn’t know exactly what she wanted to say. It was something about Shannon dying, but she couldn’t… She wouldn’t say that out loud. So, she settled for something they used to say to each other when they worked together. “Hold the fort till I’m there.”

“You got it, love.”

Kelly turned to Tobias after she hung up, but he didn’t even let her speak. “I’m going with you,” he hugged her and let her cry on his shoulder.


	30. Part XXX

July 31st – 2015

They tried, but the earliest flight available was the 12:45 from Frankfurt to Los Angeles the following day, with a programmed 3 hour connection in Iceland that turned into a 5 hour connection because of bad weather. When the airplane finally landed in LAX, it was 10 pm, and they were both destroyed. At least Cam was waiting for them there, so they wouldn’t need to add an uber ride to their journey.

Kelly had called Cam that morning to ask if she knew about Shannon, and she said Emma had filled her in, and that she had a room waiting for Tobias and her for as long as they wanted or needed it, since Kelly’s old house had already been sold.

Not many words were exchanged that night; both Kelly and Tobias looked like zombies, and Cam wasn’t even sure they were fully awaken by the time they got home. Kelly only opened her mouth to say hello at the airport, and again when they walked inside the house and found Chris sleeping on the couch with little baby Sarah on his chest.

“Oh, God, you’re so lucky,” she mumbled pointing at them.

Cam smiled with pride and showed them to their room before going back to wake her husband. She told Kelly to rest, that they would go to the hospital first thing in the morning.

August 1st – 2015

After some decent hours of sleep, everything felt a little bit better. Kelly had woken up completely disoriented, but she soon remembered where she was and what she was doing there. And, although that memory hit her like a ton of bricks, she was rested enough to allow herself some positivity. She was sure the situation was bad; Shannon had never overdosed before, he had only gotten close, and she knew that if things got worse, Jared – who hadn’t called her anymore – would be the first to let her know, probably accusing her as if she had given Shannon the pills herself. She didn’t know the details yet, but it scared her to think the obvious – that he had attempted suicide because of her. Not that she was the reason why he was so miserable, she knew it wasn’t like that. However, she knew they had built the strongest relationship in the past, and that the fall had been too hard on him. He was projecting all of his problems on her, and she understood that. Most importantly, she understood it wasn’t her fault. Still, she couldn’t help feeling guilty.

Tobias opened his eyes and smiled when he realized Kelly was hugging him tight. He kissed the top of her head and started making circles with his thumb on her naked skin. The sweatshirt she liked to wear for bed was an off-shoulder, and he loved the feel of her skin right where her collar bone ended.

“How are you today?” He asked.

She sighed and rubbed her eyes. “Still nervous, but at least we slept, right?”

“Hey, was that Captain America holding a baby on your friend’s couch last night?” His eyes went wide when he remembered.

She started laughing and she didn’t stop until she was out of breath. “Yes! That was Chris.” She wiped the tears from her eyes while he watched, satisfied with himself for being able to get that reaction from her.

“I always forget you’re friends with the Avengers.”

“I’m not friends with the Avengers. I’m friends with Cap and Hawkeye.”

“Cap and who?” He joked and she started laughing again.

When they got down for breakfast, Chris, Cam and Sarah were already there, and he greeted Kelly with the warmest hug, telling her how happy he was for seeing her again.

“I mean, I’m sorry for the circumstances, but…” he shrugged.

She laughed. “That’s okay, Chris. I know Shannon doesn’t have a lot of fans this side of the gang.” Tobias was about to speak when she pointed her finger at him. “No villains jokes!”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“So, Tobias,” Chris shook his hand. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

“Yeah, the pleasure is all mine. Kelly talks so much about you two.” He was so small next to Chris that Kelly caught herself smiling.

Cam, however, had been playing with Sarah across the table all the time, smiling and laughing at the right moments, but eyeing Tobias suspiciously when she thought nobody was looking. Kelly tried to call Chris’ attention, and fortunately he got the message.

“Do you play any video games?” He asked Tobias, and soon they were out of the kitchen, leaving the girls alone.

“Cam?” Kelly called, making her friend look at her with a guilty expression.

“I know, I know. What can I say?” She started as if she were talking to the baby. “It’s just a habit. Yes, it is. Yes, it is.”

Kelly smiled, but she couldn’t keep it for long.

“Hey,” Cam squeezed her hand. “Everything will be okay.”

“Have you seen him yet?”

“No, but Emma texted earlier this morning; he’s out of the ICU.” Kelly breathed a sigh of relief. “She said she’s going there with Jared and Constance, but visiting hours only start in…” she checked her watch, “two hours.”

“Okay,” Kelly nodded, “only two more hours,” she mumbled to herself while sipping her coffee.

Tobias and Chris stayed home with Sarah while Kelly and Cam drove to the hospital. Before getting there, Kelly hadn’t realized just how anxious she was about meeting her ex in-laws and friends. But her heart skipped a beat when they turned a corner and saw Jared and his mother pacing in front of a vending machine. "You can do this," she whispered to herself, closing her hands in fists, "none of this is your fault, you can do this."

“Kelly!” Constance was the first to see her, and as soon as she pulled her in for a hug, Kelly knew she had nothing to fear from Shannon’s mother. “Oh, darling,” the woman placed her hands on both sides of her face and looked genuinely pleased to see her. “Thank you for coming.”

“It’s okay,” she tried to smile.

“Thank you for bringing her, Cam,” Jared made himself heard, and Kelly couldn’t avoid him anymore.

“Hi, Jared,” she turned to him as calm as she could, but he broke her when they hugged and he spoke firmly in her ear.

“He needs you now more than ever. Please, don’t make things worse.”

She didn’t need to answer, as Emma reached them right then, bringing his doctor with her. Shannon was still very weak, but his vitals were getting better. He had finally woken up in the middle of the night, when they had decided to move him into a room. He had been on and off since then, and a little confused, but, other than that, all signs pointed to a speedy recovery. They could all go and talk to him.

Kelly was already feeling better, but she wasn’t ready to go in just then. She let his family go first, and they stayed for at least 30 minutes before Cam e Emma went in for a quick hello. And then she couldn’t stall for much longer.

Shannon looked at her with a weak smile as she went into the room and walked to his bed. “I can’t believe you’re here,” he said when she stopped next to him.

“Your brother didn’t give me much choice, to tell you the truth.” Kelly let her eyes wander through his body, almost unconsciously looking for obvious injuries. He had a giant bruise on his shoulder and his skin was very pale, other than that he seemed to be fine. At least on the outside. “What happened?”

“What you always said would happen – I finally reached the bottom.” His deep voice was weak, forcing her to stay close to him so she wouldn’t miss a word. “I was lucky Jared found me, I didn’t know he was going to the house.”

“You scared the shit out of everyone.” Kelly did her best to keep her voice low, which she could only do if she whispered. She also had to force herself to look up to his eyes, but that didn’t last long. “When Jared called me, and he was screaming, I…” she swallowed and looked away, “I thought… I really thought you were dead” she finally said in one breath.

Shannon reached out and held her hand, making her look back at him. “I’m sorry. Not only about this, I’m sorry about everything. I know I’ve said this a hundred times, but…”

“Start acting like you’re sorry,” she interrupted, “so you don’t have to say it all the time. Act like it, and I’ll know.” He nodded, looking at their hands. He had always loved that their hands were a perfect fit; his, rough and crude, hers, delicate and soft, yet only a little bit smaller than his. He had always loved holding her hands. “I never wanted to hurt you…” Kelly pulled him back to their conversation, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Or me. If I’d known this was going to happen, I would never have…”

“Gone out me six years ago?” He let one corner of his mouth go up in a smirk that was all him. “Nah, you would have. I would have insisted. And it would’ve been worth it,” he squeezed her hand and his smile was warm, like the first memories Kelly had of him. “It was all worth it.” He looked at her searching for confirmation.

Kelly got closer to him and let her head rest on his shoulder as he hugged her. She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t need to. That was confirmation enough for him.

She put her hand over his chest to feel his heart beating, as if she needed more than just his breath on the top of her head to know he was alive. He covered her hand with his, playing with her slim fingers while none of them wanted to talk. Silence seemed to last forever until she broke it.

“I want you to be happy, Shannon. And healthy. I don’t want to have to worry so much.” She whispered, looking up at him.

“But you do worry,” he laughed. “C’mon, you spent six years checking up on Tobias, and you weren’t even speaking.” Listening to him using Tobias as an example, and not only trashing his name, made her heart smile. “You worry, and that’s who you are. It’s one of the things I love about you. Even if I leave this hospital and nothing bad ever happens again, you will worry. It’s fine, don’t try to change that.”

“You could make it easier, though.”

“I will. I promise.” He kissed the top of her head and didn’t complain when she moved away from him, standing next to the bed again. “Are you working in Germany?” He asked while she was smoothing her clothes.

“Yes, at my sister-in-law’s decoration company. A perfectly normal job, can you believe that?” She answered casually.

“You will make it extraordinary with time.” He fought the urge to reach and take her hand again, and she might have noticed something, because she gave a small step back. It was almost like she was shifting her weight, but it was there, and he saw it.

“Black Fuel is doing really well, isn’t it?” Kelly said quickly, tucking her hair behind her ears and smiling. “I’m so happy for that.”

“You are responsible for at least half of the success.” He smirked again.

“Oh, of course I’m not. I may have done most of the assembling, but you’re running it. It’s your pretty face out there, not mine.”

“Will you get married?” Shannon asked as if they were just talking about that, making her eyes go wide with shock.

“Wow,” she breathed, looking away from him. But he was smiling, patiently waiting for an answer as she pretended there was something very interesting on the blank white walls. “We haven’t talked about that, but… yeah, maybe. I don’t know.”

“You should.” Kelly couldn’t hide her frown this time, but he just chuckled. “You’re crazy about him, aren’t you? I’m sure he’s just as crazy for you. You should settle down, get married, have kids.” Now he did actually reach and held her hand. He wanted to make sure she was paying attention. “Stop running. I know you want to,” he smiled, but she didn’t, as much as she wanted to. After all they had gone through, she didn’t think that was fair to him. It didn’t matter it was fair to her, it wouldn’t feel right if she lived a happy life and he didn’t. He might as well have read her mind. “I’ll be fine. You’ve helped me in so many ways… you’ve made me see that I have a reason to keep going. Your work here is over, you have my blessing.”

She was crying, all right, but she managed to hold on to the last bit of control she had, so she wouldn’t fall apart in front of him. Shannon couldn’t see her like that, because he was crying as well. They would make each other sadder and sadder if she didn’t leave that room, so she chose her last words and took a deep breath. “Promise me you’ll be okay,” she said as she squeezed his hands one last time before they let go. She headed towards the door before he answered.

“I promise,” he said hoarsely, and called her when she was at the door.

“Kelly, don’t be a stranger.”

She turned around and looked at him for the last time. Her smile was real and full of joy for all the good times that they’d had – for the good moments that they’d lived. No matter how hard it had been, Kelly was happy that they had had the chance to be in each others’ lives. And now it was time to move on.

“Take care.”


	31. Epilogue

Halloween – 2022

“Ava, don’t go near the pool!” Jeremy shouted from the kitchen, watching the kids from the open glass panel.

“There are a bunch of responsible adults outside,” Cam raised her eyebrows in his direction while lining up the little popcorn bags on a tray.

“Well, excuse me for taking care of my daughter,” he snapped.

“Remy, why don’t you go check on the lights?” Kelly shoved a tray full of mini cupcakes into his hands. “And take this to the kids?” she asked with a plastic smile, rolling her eyes theatrically when he left. “Seriously, one would think he would chill a little now that Ava is not a baby anymore.”

“He needs a woman to distract him,” Cam leaned against the counter with her glass of wine.

Kelly shrugged, “not available anymore.” She opened the refrigerator and frowned. “Where does he keep the beer?”

“Probably not somewhere Ava could find it.”

“Oh my god, if he wasn’t my friend…”

Cam laughed. “Have some wine. Didn’t you and Tobi bring those bottles?”

“Yeah,” Kelly winced, “I’m tired of wine, to be honest.” She sighed and sat on a stool, contemplating the garden outside. Jeremy had the idea of throwing a Halloween party for the kids and their friends that year, so Kelly had spent the whole afternoon decorating the yard and baking mini cupcakes. It was hard work to do all by herself, but she offered and she didn’t mind doing it. The kids seemed to be having fun, so all was worth it. “Hey, hand me those bags of sweets, I think Chris forgot them.”

“Oh yeah, he did. Leave it to me,” Cam grabbed the sweets and the popcorn tray and went outside, looking for her husband.

Alone in the kitchen, Kelly closed her eyes and enjoyed her brief moment of quiet. They had been going to Los Angeles more frequently now, and although she loved seeing her friends, being there was always somewhat bittersweet; she would always get exhausted very fast, so she really appreciated those rare moments of solitude. She didn’t mind, however, when James interrupted her, less than five minutes after.

“Mamaaa,” the boy was crying when he entered the kitchen.

“Oh, love, what’s wrong?” Kelly got off the stool and knelt down before him. His long, dirty blond hair was messy and he was wearing a little leather jacket over dark blue jeans. He’d wanted to be a rock star for this year’s Halloween.

“Tommy said Vati isn’t a good singer, because he’s not merican.”

“Tommy said that?”

“Ja,” the boy nodded. “And he said I’m too jung to be a rock star.”

“Well, can I tell you a secret?” Kelly sat on the floor with her legs crossed and her son imitated her. “Tommy doesn’t know a thing, because your dad was just about your age when he decided he wanted to be a rock star.”

“He was?” James was curious.

“I was,” Tobias answered, entering the kitchen and sitting with them on the floor. “And a lot of Tommys tried to bring me down too.”

“But what did you do?”

Kelly censured her husband with a look, just to make sure he wouldn’t say something inappropriate. Tobias smiled and winked, “I proved them wrong.”

“Can I prove them wrong too, Mama?” He frowned, a worried expression that Kelly recognized from when she looked in the mirror.

“Of course, you can, buddy!”

The boy smiled and got to his feet, kissing both his parents before running back outside. Kelly watched him go and put her arms around Tobias’ neck. “How come you’re always so wonderful?”

“I’ve got both of you, I’m the happiest man on Earth.” He kissed her, and they stayed like that on the floor for a couple of minutes before rejoining the party.


End file.
